Fundraising Diary: Tuk Tuk Diaries

Bangkok to Brighton by tuk tuk: The journey begins...

Sunday 28th May: Khao Yai National Park, Thailand

Ants writes...

"I can't believe it, the Tukathon has actually begun. At 11.49 a.m on Sunday morning Jo, myself and Ting Tong, under the watchful eye of Queen Victoria, turned left out of the British Embassy in Bangkok and set sail for England. After so many months of planning, it's extraordinary to think we have actually embarked on our 12,000 mile journey and that for the next three months we will be slowly heading home, each day inching a little closer across the globe.

On Saturday night we took Ting Tong (TT) to the Khao San Road and got a taste of what the next 12 weeks might be like. Even in Bangkok, where tuk tuks are ubiquitous, people stopped, stared, laughed, took pictures and shook their heads in amazement when we told them we were driving our pink bomber all the way to England. Jo drove her into the Khao San and we parked her up for a few hours while we did a few interviews. Jo also clambered on the roof rack and risked her (and Ting Tong's) life for some photos. They'd better be good. Ting Tong went down a storm and although we might be a little bit biased, she really must be the most supersonic tuk tuk this planet has ever seen. (Thanks Anuwat, you are a total star and Jo and I are both very, very happy that we found you and your amazing tuk tuk factory.)

Sunday morning was an early start as we had to load all our kit onto TT and be at the British Embassy by 10am. After a rigorous security check at the gates, we cruised up to the front door of the Ambassadorial Residence to find a pack of photographers and TV crews waiting for us. When Nuttanee, the Embassy's press officer, had said she would be able to get some press along to the launch, we never expected such a good turn out. Maybe it was the lure of a morning at the Ambassador's residence, where they do make exceedingly good cakes...

The next two hours were a blur of interviews, hanging off the side of TT for more photos, giving the Ambassador and his wife a lift in TT, as well as hurried goodbyes to cousin Bert and our friends Hannah, Jess and Andre. Then in we got in and off we went! We could never have dreamed our launch would be such a grand affair and we owe a very big thank you to Mr and Mrs Fall for their amazing hospitality. Even better - Mr Fall might get a tuk tuk from Anuwat to drive round Wiltshire in his retirement. Spread that tuk tuk love!

Since then we've been speeding north in Ting Tong. Jo was at the wheel for the first two days, cursing everyones slow driving and bombing past astonished drivers at 65mph in the fast lane. Despite the floods in the north of Thailand, the terrible Indonesian earthquake and the strife in East Timor, we made it into seven Thai newspapers on Monday and were featured on two TV stations.

We've also heard from those back home in Blighty that we've also been gracing the airwaves on Radio 2 and Five Live and have been on the BBC website. Even weirder, Ting Tong also appears in papers as diverse as the Indian Financial Times, The Herald and The Pakistani Globe. Why on earth would someone in Karachi want to read about a bright pink tuk tuk?

We're in Khao Yai National Park now, where The Beach was filmed. Our hut is surrounded by jungle and I'm hoping we wont get eaten by a hungry tiger in the middle of the night. 200 miles down only about another 11,800 to go..."

Love Ants (and Jo) x

Why did Ants and Jo undertake this crazy trip?

The girls completed the 12,000 mile journey from Bangkok to Brighton in an attempt to raise £50,000 for the mental health charity Mind.

See page 50 for the full story

Wednesday 31st May: Phimai, Thailand

Jo writes...

"Day four and I apologise that the updates have been slightly lacking, particularly from me. You should be able to recognise my updates as I do typos and write a bit like a 10 year old. Ants, on the other hand, uses long words that I don't always understand. So, I will appeal to those of a low IQ and Ants to those with a higher IQ and a dictionary shoved up their arse.

We drove from Kai Yao National Park to Phimai today, just over 200 kms. The drive here was fairly amusing. People were pulling up level with us on the freeway, winding down their windows to wave and take photos. And when we stopped for lunch at a tiny roadside cafe, the owner rushed out brandishing yesterday's newspaper with Ting Tong on the front page!. More photos were taken, lunch was free and a crate of water were loaded onboard before we waved and tukked off up the road.

So we are now in Phimai and I really need a good wash. I am grubby all over, particularly my feet which gather dust as we zip down the highway at 60mph (yes, Ting Tong is very fast).

Just arrived from Khao Yai National Park, which was pretty chilled with the worst food I have ever tasted. Last night we ate crisps, raisins and drank beer - that was supper. Dad bought some Thai crisps, but didn't realise they were cuttlefish flavour. He looked quite unamused. I fed a deer some raisins and gave it a good head rub - my hands were very dirty afterwards. In fact I am so dirty right now, you can now call me Christina (Aguilera - the older readers probably don't know who she is, which is probably for the best).

It was quite high up in the Park (over 1000m I think) and we encountered all kinds of bugs, but no mozzies. It was cool enough not to need the fan or air con, but the showers were cold and therefore I only washed the necessary soft parts. Anyway, time about to run out as quite frankly I am starting to get RSI from this damn keyboard. Big smelly and sweaty love from the slightly illiterate ruder tukker."

Love Jo (and Ants) x

Crossing from Thailand to Laos

Saturday 3rd June 2006: Setta Palace Hotel, Vientiane

Ants writes...

"Yesterday Jo, Ting Tong and I tukked over the Friendship Bridge linking Thailand and Laos and breathed a collective sigh of relief. Ever since we arrived in Thailand two weeks ago crossing into Laos has been our biggest perceived obstacle. We'd heard from a number of sources that Thai registered vehicles had been banned from crossing the Friendship Bridge and there was also uncertainty as to whether you needed a carnet de passage to bring vehicles into the country. The consensus was that a carnet was unnecessary - they are very expensive and complicated to arrange so we had long ago decided against getting one - but we had heard from a few overlanders that life would be much easier if we had one. So it was with baited breath and butterflies in our stomachs that we eased down the gears and drove up to the border yesterday afternoon.

Jo has been in charge of organizing all the paperwork for Thailand, Laos and China, so as she disappeared into the ominous sounding 'Room 6' at Laos customs, I selected Leftfield on my iPod and nervously waited. Leftfield was shortlived, however, as a bevy of Tourist Police, customs officials and bypassers were soon crowded round Ting Tong. 'Where are you from?', 'Where are you going?' 'How much was your tuk tuk?' - all the usual questions were fired at me. And then the familiar raised eyebrows and looks of 'Are you crazy?' upon learning of our destination. One lady spoke very good English and warned me that Route 13 is very mountainous and that we should avoid driving at night due to the Hmong rebels in the north. All things we have been told before. More interesting was her revelation that there is only one psychiatrist in the whole of Laos and that depression doesn't really exist here.

After about an hour Jo emerged triumphantly; we had been granted special permission to enter Laos, but had to wait until Monday in Vientiane in order to get permission to enter the other provinces. It seems that the Thai press cuttings Jo had showed the Laos immigration had worked their magic and rather than facing an unpleasant diversion, all we had to do was endure a weekend of city arrest in the Laos capital. Not exactly a hardship.

We hadn't even thought about where we were going to stay in Vientiane, so we glanced through the accommodation options in the Laos Lonely Planet where our eyes quickly fell upon the 'Top End' section. Overjoyed at being allowed across the border, we decided to celebrate and head straight for the best joint in town, The Setta Palace Hotel. Off we tukked, realizing as we turned off the bridge that they drive on the wrong side of the road here. Not until England will we drive on the left again.

Crossing borders is a strange experience. How in the course of a few hundred metres everything can be so different? Language, faces, roads, food, smells. We had got used to the rampant westernization that has invaded Thailand, where the roads are nearly perfect, the cars new and shopping malls litter the roadsides. Yet the instant we crossed the mighty Mekong into Laos, the cars got more battered, the tarmac more potholed and the driving more chaotic.

On Monday morning we head north up the (slightly) dreaded Route 13, stopping at Vang Vieng, Luang Prabang and Luang Nam Tha en route to the Chinese border at Boten."

Jo writes...

"I will now back track to recap on the past few days. We left Phimai and its historical park (containing a Khmer temple that predates Angkor Wat) and headed for Khon Kaen. The drive passed without problems and we tukked up at our hotel. Ting Tong has us wrapped around her little wing mirrors and after unloading her we got her ready for bed i.e. unrolled her rain covers and put on her silver nightie (tuk tuk cover).

Dad and I shared a room and left Ants in her own room. This is for a few reasons: I snore, I like to watch TV, I like to stay up and ferret around, I like to smoke in the bedroom, I like air conditioning. All of these habits are a little unsociable and I do not practice them when sharing with Ants. If I want a cigarette then I will have it in the bathroom, I will go to bed at a sensible time and not watch BBC World after lights out, the temperature of the air con will be decided after a bout of Thai boxing, but I still snore.

Our night out in Khon Kaen was a little bizarre. We went out for a meal and decided on a street stall. We were all given a plate of spicy salad which was flavoursome, but ultimately unsatisfying. We then went to a restaurant complete with a live band. Musically they were good, but they chose to sing a collection of old Country and Western songs, which Dad found quite odd. The band ended and then came a couple of Thai comedians. I didn't understand a word, but still found them funny. They called us farangs (foreigners) and said a joke that made everyone who spoke Thai laugh - I think the joke was probably on us.

The following morning it was time for Dad to leave and head back to Bangkok. I started crying and I think I upset Dad too. Ants and I both had butterflies in our stomach for the first time of the trip and we realized that we had both found that having Dad around was comforting and gave us more confidence, even though we can now drive 5mph faster. Suddenly we were on our own with 11,500 miles to go until England.

We tukked north towards the Thai-Laos border and were both anxious about being allowed to cross into Laos. The Asian part of the trip has been my baby and therefore I would technically be responsible if things go wrong. The Thai side was a mere formality and they let us cross the bridge, spanning the mighty Mekong. We had arrived in Laos, although I knew that we could easily be retracing our steps back to Thailand at the discretion of the Laos authorities. I went from counter to counter before being sent up to Room Six, where I knew our fate lay. Room Six is where they decide if a vehicle can enter Laos. I provided our documents and a selection of press cuttings of us and TT from the Thai press. Luckily, we were given special permission to enter, although driving a tuk tuk we should have been turned around and sent back to Thailand. I was incredibly hot and needed both a wee and a drink of water, but I felt so relieved that our first major obstacle had been accomplished. After organizing insurance (£3 for 10 days) and having more papers signed and stamped we were allowed to pass.

Immediately in Laos one knew that we were in a different country. There were pot holes galore for me to try and navigate around and I realized that Laos would be far more challenging to drive through than Thailand. I had already read about the hotel where we are staying and it was in my fantasy list. Ants and I decided to split the cost between our personal credit cards and indulge ourselves for the weekend, as we cannot leave Vientiane until receiving permits from the authorities on Monday. After a hectic couple of weeks, including a week of successful driving and Ants still recovering after her illness, we felt it was both justifiable and deserved.

So, today we were up and breakfasted before an interview via Skype with Five Live in England. I did the last one and so Ants had the honour this morning. We have decided to alternate interviews and I hope that we increase awareness about the trip and raise some more money for Mind. In a rather large nutshell, that is it to date. Tonight we will go out to eat and spend a relaxing evening in probably the most chilled out capital city on Earth. Tomorrow I will indulge in some minor tuk tuk mechanics e.g. tightening bolts that affect our steering as our suspension continues to be worn in. Until next time, much love from myself, Ants and our beloved TT."

Love Ants and Jo x

Exploring Vang Vieng

Sunday 4th June 2006: Vang Vieng, Laos

Jo writes...

"We are now in Vang Vieng about 150km north of Vientiane. Our driving speed has dropped to an average of about 30mph due to the copious potholes and winding hilly roads. Ants and I were both knackered today and so were each trying to get the other to drive. We both ate too many cakes over the weekend and as a result were feeling pretty sluggish.

On Saturday night we headed out to one of the two recommended restaurants in Vientiane. The food was quite good, but not a patch on Thailand. The company was interesting. This guy came over and sat at our table who was totally pissed (I assume on BeerLao). He repeated himself very frequently (as drunk people do) and spoke in broken English. His best comment of the night was 'I love you Mr Ant', which I have taken to repeating far too frequently. He fell off the stool and nearly took our table with him. After about 10 minutes our food came, but we were being typically reserved Brits and didn't tell him to leave. In the end a security guard and a waiter asked him to go, which he eventually did. We paid for our supper and then left the restaurant to head back into town.

On Sunday, we awoke and had breakfast with more ants in it, which was charming. I didn't need to eat sausages as I had enough protein from the little critters. We went out sightseeing to the beautiful gold temple (can't remember the name) that is the most important in Laos. I don't wear sunglasses and therefore might have sustained slight damage to the innards of my eye- gold is worse than snow. We did a bit of filming and then in the afternoon went for a herbal sauna and massage. I didn't like the sauna and only had a short session. The hot moist air makes me feel panicky and I find the sensation really unpleasant. Instaed I drunk herbal tea and smoked lots of fags.

We then had a massage, which was divine. I had a man and Mr Ant had a lady - Ant got the short straw it seems after we compared notes. Luckily I had put my underwear back on under my sarong as it fell off when I sat up mid massage. I know I am a naturist but there is a time and place for nudity and that wasn't it. Poor Mr Ant felt rather unrelaxed after her massage, especially having had the inside of her arm pinched quite hard (unintentionally). What better way to finish off the afternoon than with a sandwich and chocolate eclair. The sandwich was good, but the chocolate eclair contained the wrong sort of cream and to add insult to injury they had added custard. I ate it all the same, but was none too impressed.

This morning we split up. Ants went to sort out our Laos permits and I did some minor tuktuk mechanics i.e. checked the oil, water, tyres and tightened the big bolt on our steering column as our suspension keeps on dropping. Ants returned from the Ministry of Transport without the permit. Apparently the staff spoke very little English and suggested we return to the Friendship Bridge. Not an option, so she managed to get them to agree to do the paperwork, which we would collect later that morning. Good one Ants.

At 10.30am we hit the road and I tried to drive down a one way street the wrong way - well done Jo. We picked up our permit and hit the road. As we headed out of town, we pulled in to get the tyre pressure topped up. They were each 3psi down and I wrote down the required tyre pressures on my hand for the woman with the air gun. She nodded and squirted some air into TT's tyres. I wondered how she knew the correct pressure as there didn't seem to be a guage visible. Still, I assumed that as she filled up tyres all day then she knew what she was doing. TT suddenly felt very easy to steer and I thought she had probably put a bit too much air in. I didn't realize till later that she had double the suggested air pressure. I will never let a random person violate poor TT again. We are lucky her tyres didn't burst from the excessive air. Tomorrow we will get our digital tyre inflator thing from the roof and do our own air in the future. The vehicles in Laos must all have the most pumped up tyres in SE Asia and this is a risky thing if riding a motorbike - or a three wheeler.

Next stop was lunch, which was cold and had unidentifiable objects floating in it - however, it tasted pretty good. As we neared Vang Vieng, I thought it might be nice to stop and have a drink by a river. I assumed that the guy that welcomed us was the owner of the shack. He turned out to be totally wasted on BeerLao and proceeded to fill our glasses and slobber all over my cheek. Totally gross, but quite amusing and Ants got some good photos and filming - all at my expense. Enough waffle from me now, good night and good afternoon to those in the west. Off tubing tomorrow and no more cake eating."

Tuesday 6th June 2006: Vang Vieng, Laos

Jo writes...

"Our second night in tourist-tastic yet beautiful Vang Vieng. This is definitely the most white people I have seen in one place since England. Today we both woke up knackered, even though we had had plenty of sleep. We had planned to go on a full day of excursions, but neither of us felt like being super-energetic. After a huge pineapple pancake and cup of tea, we decided that we had to make the most of our day here, because the surrounding environment is breathtaking. We pottered into town and went to a tour operator recommended by the Lonely Planet. Within a few minutes we had sorted out a bespoke itinerary and went back to our bungalow for an hour before they picked us up.

We first drove a few km out of town and then ended up by the river to begin our first adventure, kayaking. I went kayaking aged about 12, but thought it must be quite easy as I have seen it lots on TV. The thing is, if someone makes something look really easy then it actually means that it is difficult and they are professionals. I was put in the back and given the task of steering. I lost all knowledge of left and right, forwards and backwards and before long I was sitting on a rock in the middle of the river and Ants had jumped ship. I was then told to paddle rather than steer and I swapped to the front of the kayak. I am not particularly fit at the moment but I managed to propel us down the river at a sort of doggy paddle speed. Ants was much better at steering and there were no more rock incidents. My arms started to get pretty tired and I was glad when we stopped for our next adventure.

The next adventure consisted of two large tractor tyre inner tubes being given to us, which we put our butts in and pushed off into the river. This was a far more relaxed way to see the mountains and rocks at a half doggy paddle speed. Luckily we had a wonderful guide with us called Pon, who told us which way to go to avoid the rocks. We stopped for lunch at a riverside shack and had beer and spring rolls.

There were lots of other tourists there who we had a nice chat with. We explained about our trip, which some other Brits had read about on this very site! It's strange how many people we meet who have already heard about our trip one way or another. They only put two and two together when they see us in TT.

After lunch, we carried on our tubing and stopped at a water cave called the sleeping cave. The reason for this is that during the second World War about 200 people lived in the caves for a few months as the Japanese invaded. It was pretty amazing, but I get a little scared in deep water and Ants and I asked Pon repeatedly if there were any snakes, spiders or alligators. He assured us there were none.

Back on the river and soon it was time for another BeerLao break. I was a chicken but Ants threw herself off a 20ft rock into the river. The Laos family at this shack kept a pet baby monkey, which they had rescued after its mother fell off a rock and died. It was very cute and had a punky grey hairdo. Ants wanted to touch it but it squeeked and ran off when she approached.

Just as we approached Vang Vieng, the skies opened and we got drenched. I found the experience very beautiful and refreshing - high tree covered mountains surrounding a river valley with no sign of modern life. It was one of those very peaceful and special moments.

Back to our hotel and quick wash before supper. Off to Luang Prabang tomorrow and we anticipate a good seven hours on the road, providing we get TT up the muddy stony steep slope. Goodnight."

Love Ants and Jo x

Arriving in Luang Prabang

Thurday 8th June 2006: Sayo River Guest House, Luang Prabang

Ants writes...

"We made it! Another hurdle was crossed today by the the three-wheeled trio for Jo, TT and I are now in Luang Prabang, in three whole pieces. We packed up Ting Tong in blistering heat this morning and at 10am hit Route 13 north. Jo bravely tackled the daunting slope out of our guest house - whilst I filmed her from a safe distance - and off we went.

The road from Vang Vieng to Luang Prabang is, as we have mentioned before, notorious for a number of reasons. Namely hairpin bends, armed bandits and landslides. The public bus takes eight hours to climb the 230 km to Luang Prabang, so we banked on taking about the same time. TT may be supersonic but we weren't quite sure how she'd handle them there mountains. Spiffingly is the answer.

The fear of something is so often worse than the actual reality, and today was a perfect example. After all that we had been told, Jo and I really had no idea what to expect, and set off this morning feeling very unsure of whether we would make it here or not. The road was indeed incredibly windy and steep and as we rounded each bend yet another alarming incline appeared ahead of us. For three hours we climbed and climbed, until stopping in a random town for Coke and foe (noodle soup with many unidentifiable things lurking in its depths). We had read that the road after this was particularly dangerous and a favourite haunt of Hmong rebels. So I took over the driving, put my foot down and headed further into the mountains.

All the way here, I was struck by the fact that this was Laos' main road; the superhighway linking Laos, Thailand and China. Yet all along it's route are tiny hilltribe villages, populated by scruffy children, goats, piglets, chickens, wandering water buffalo, cows and bent old women. As we tukked through each settlement, gangs of children screeched in delight at the site of the peculiar pink vision whizzing past, and livestock scattered from the road. However, I am now convinced that the average age in Laos is about 5 years old as the number of tiny children far outnumbered adults. Where have all the oldies gone? Maybe they were all watching TV... many of the rickety bamboo huts sported vast, incongruous satellite dishes.

So at 5.30 pm, we made it to Luang Prabang. Phew. No rebels, no mudslides and no toppling off the edge of the mountain. We did see several people wandering along with rifles slung their backs though, and some bored policeman decided to pull us over simply to see who we were.

Tomorrow we've got a day off, yes another one, and then we head for China on Friday. Strange to think we are so nearly through our second country. Poor Jo is missing her ferrets terribly and shed a few ferrety tears last night. That's it for now...."

Jo writes...

"I am so relieved. As Mr Ant said, we had no idea what to expect and to be honest Route 13 was not this big monster that I had created in my head from all of the stories.

The roads were mountainous and bendy, but they were also a lot wider than I thought. At all times there was easily enough room for two vehicles to safely pass. The precipitous drops I had imagined were few and far between. There was no rain and the road was fully tarmacked over 98% of the time. We were not jumped by the Hmong Rebels, although we saw about three different men with rifles. The pot holes were navigable, although I probably looked rather funny driving - perched right on the edge of my seat to gain maximum visibilty and see the potholes before we ended up planting TT's front wheel in one. The gear of the day was third and what a great gear it is. Our brakes are not too sharp, but by using 3rd gear most of the journey, there were few times where we actually needed to use the breaks.

TT performed like a true superstar and her engine never got too hot - rising over 25% only a couple of times. Towards the end of the journey, her backside started to make a noise (not Ants', but TT's)- we thought it might be the rear suspension, but after pulling over and getting down on the ground we have concluded that she probably has a small hole in her exhaust, which we will get checked out fully tomorrow. It possibly happened when I sent her shooting up the drive to our guesthouse this morning.

Feeling tired and we're going to bed soon - not feeling particularly animated this evening, although it has been an amazing day."

Love Ants and Jo x

Welcome to China

Saturday 10th June 2006: Green Diamond Hotel, Meng La, China.

Ants writes...

"It's less than two days since we left Luang Prabang yet already it seems like aeons ago, so much have we seen and experienced since then.

Jo, Ting Tong and I were reluctant to leave the safe confines of Luang Prabang. There's so much to see there and one day didn't even tickle the surface. So it was with dragging heels that we left Sayo River Guest house and turned north up Route 13. Next stop Udomxai.

Having conquered the worst stretch of Route 13 the day before, we set off with increased confidence in our new-found mountaineering skills. Udomxai was only 170 km away and we had been assured that the road was good. Slightly baffling was the fact that public buses take over 4 hours to cover this relatively short distance. Yet rather than making us suspicious of what lay ahead, we just put it down to the spluttering, bronchitic old buses and not the road conditions.

The first 100km flew by. I lounged in the back and admired the beautiful country slipping by and Jo skilfully navigated the road north. We'd practically be in Udomxai for lunch at this rate. Then things changed. The corners got sharper, the hills steeper and the potholes more prolific. And the road signs disappeared completely. As we rounded one particularly fearsome bend, we were met by huddled groups of people sitting in the road; monks, women, children, old men. Behind them was the bus that was supposed to be taking them to Vientiane, clinging to the edge of the mountain, miraculously held there by a tangle of plants and trees. Only twenty minutes before the driver had lost control on the corner and narrowly escaped killing all. Terrifying. I should think those monks said a special prayer to Buddha last night.

After stopping to see if everyone was ok and if there was anything we could do, we tukked off, driving even more carefully than before. In the end we didn't tuk into our destination until 4pm, over five hours after we had left Luang Prabang. In fact we had covered 215km, and having had no lunch and little water felt totally exhausted.

If you're ever contemplating a holiday to Udomxai, think again. It really is the armpit of Laos, a strange Chinese/Lao trading post teeming with Chinese construction workers and half-finished buildings. Rain, bedbugs, a plague of mosquitoes, extreme tiredness then insomnia made for a wholly unpleasant night there and in more driving rain we set off for the Chinese border this morning.

And we thought the roads yesterday were bad. As we drove the last 100km to Boten, I found myself thinking incredulously, that this was Laos' main artery, the principle thoroughfare linking it with China and Thailand. Yet a few km north of Uxomxai, the road almost disappeared altogether. It took us over four hours to reach Boten in conditions that would test the most hardy 4 x 4.

So here we are in China, in some random town 60 km north of the border. Jo and I were so flummoxed by the place that at supper we just gawped at the otherness of it all. Thank goodness we've now got our Chinese guide Sam (his English name) with us, otherwise we'd get very confused and probably end up starving and very lost."

Jo writes...

"Sitting in our hotel bedroom now with the World Cup and England's first match on TV in the background, it is hard to believe that this time two weeks ago, we were still in Bangkok. I think we are going to enjoy driving through China and our guide seems like quite a dude, although perhaps not as mischievous as we would like. Our supper this evening was nothing like what you get at your local Chinese in England, but it was tasty and after having had no time to eat all day, a plate of cat food stirfry would have been appealing.

Oh yeah, one thing that amused and frustrated me in equal measure today happened at the Laos border crossing. As we approached the exit to Laos, Ants pulled over next to a checkpoint, only to be told to drive backwards behind a line that we later realized said STOP. I was instructed to go to an office with a guard and all of our papers. He informed me that we had breached a rule as we had crossed a line that said STOP.

He informed me that we would have to pay $3 for each metre we had driven over the line. He estimated we had driven at least 10 metres, which was a gross exaggeration. I asked to see the regulation that we had broken written down, because it was obviously an attempt to get some money from us. He asked me if I spoke Laos, which of course I don't. So we had a small debate and I said we had not gone more than four metres over the line. He immediately decided that $12 would suffice. Naturally I asked for a receipt, which I received with our misdemeanor detailed in English. I think if we had not crossed the line he would have found some other way to extract money from us, but at the end of the day $12 is not a huge amount of money to us and probably very useful to him.

If I was a border guard I would probably have great fun making up rules to get money from tourists..."

Love Ants and Jo x

Potholes in China

Monday 12th June 2006: Juang Ha Hotel, Simao. Yunnan Province. China

Ants writes...

"China it seems, has been sent to test us. The last two days have been, to put it mildly, challenging. When we left Laos we felt sure that we had just conquered the worst roads we would encounter in our entire tukathon. The gleaming tarmac of the last 10km to the Chinese border seemed an omen of things to come. How wrong we were. As soon as we were over the border the roads once again deteriorated, this time there was a total absence of solid surface and what was supposed to be a road was in fact a filthy quagmire.

We were scheduled to drive 200km that night to Jinghong, but instead we only made it 60 km to Mengla. Yesterday (Sunday 11th) was even worse. The 140km to Jinhong took us an excruciating six hours. By lunchtime Sam, our guide, a non-smoker for the last three years, was cracking into a packet of cigarettes. By mid afternoon, the packet was nearly empty and a stream of English expletives was emerging from his normally clean mouth.

It's hard to describe how bad the roads are in Yunnan. They make Laos' Route 13 seem like the M25. Not only that but we have had to fight with literally hundreds of vast construction lorries, all of us after the narrow sliver of passable road on each stretch. I was so frustrated yesterday I wanted to jump out and pummel the potholes with my bare fists in fury, shout, scream and stamp my feet. Not that this would have achieved anything...but it might have made us feel better.

By the time we arrived in Jinghong we were filthy, tired, hungry and in need of a mechanic. Ting Tong's leaking front suspension had got worse and Anuwat advised us to get the front shocks replaced.

So rather than having the relaxed evening we were desperately in need of, we spent seven hours sitting on the pavement outside a mechanic's, Ting Tong resting her muddy haunches on jacks, whilst five men battled with fitting her new suspension. At 1.30am they finally won the battle and we tukked back to our hotel, safe in the knowledge that this morning we would be cruising along the expressway to Kunming.

But oh no, such was not to be. Our arrival at the shiny new toll gates of the Kunming expressway was met with shaking heads and a flurry of men in uniform. We were ordered to turn round and go to the police station, where no end of persuading, pleading and stubbornness could change their minds. Three-wheelers and the Chinese expressways are mutually exclusive concepts and it seems nothing we could say was going to change that. Dejectedly, we turned round and turned onto the old road. What should have taken us one hour today took us six...

The implications of not being allowed on the expressway are massive. We have 28 days to travel 4000 miles across China, and our $9,600 itinerary was arranged by the CSITS on the premise that we would be speeding along throughout on these perfect new roads. The alternatives are old, disused, windy mountain roads, littered with rocks and potholes. Enough to make any tuk tuk turn a funny shade of green. Of course we are not going to accept this without a fight and we are trying to mobilize the powers that be to give us special dispensation. But China is the worst place in which to attempt any bending of beauracracy and we could be facing up to double our planned tuk across China. Unbelievable. This makes both our Kazakh and Russian visas invalid and causes a whole host of problems. Jo and I have both been devising plans to give Ting Tong an extra wheel.

Sam is now not only smoking but has developed a gall bladder problem and a total loss of appetite. But then again, we never thought this would be a glitch-free adventure, and Jo and I are both determined to succeed. The more challenges we face, the more determined we become.

Just to top it off our satellite modem refuses to work, as does our mobile phone. But at least Sam is a total dude and China an endlessly fascinating, utterly weird place."

Thursday 15th June 2006: Camellia Hotel, Yunnan, China

"The last few days have been a blur of bad roads and blue construction lorries. Yesterday we covered 300km in eleven hours, the day before 280km in ten hours. Even if you are as bad as maths as I am you can work out that that is a painfully slow average speed. With another 6000 km to go in China, we could be here a very long time...

Despite the British Embassy's help, the Transport office have said a big fat no to Ting Tong using the expressway. We have heard from several sources that the Chinese government are terrified of anything happening to foreigners, hence their refusal to bend the law. Apparently a lot of accidents happen on these roads - Sam said just last month there was a pile-up killing thirty people. Who knows, maybe it is for the best and the expressway would have been dangerous, but at the moment it's just frustrating. While we crawl along in second and third gear on roads only used by waterbuffalo, goats, mule carts and the odd tractor, streams of blue Dong Feng lorries speed past us on the adjacent expressway. The mothertruckers.

The solution is uncertain at the moment. Put bluntly, we are in China and we've got to get to Kazakhstan, by July 7th if possible. The CSITS (China Sea International Travel Service) are proposing that we drive in excess of 300km for the next 24 days straight. Given the evidence of the last few days, this ain't going to be possible. So we find ourslves in a sticky situation. And no, we are not going to put Ting Tong on the back of a train or lorry. That would be cheating.

Jo and I are still in shock at the condition of the roads in China, well in Yunnan province - apparently they get better. Yesterday we arrived in Kunming - 'the city of eternal spring' and capital of Yunnan - home to five million people and one of China's largest cities. Yet only 5km from the centre the road was no more than a dusty track, riven with deep holes. Trucks, pony carts, tuk tuks (or 'bom boms' as they call them here), motorbikes and bicycles all bumped along at 5mph in a cloud of dust. You should have seen the state of us and TT when we arrived at our hotel. Grubby doesn't even begin to describe it.

However, its certainly not all bad. Yunnan is absolutely breathtaking, a magic place. Our roads may have been bad but they are flanked by awe-inspiring scenery; mountains wreathed in tea and rice terraces, banana plantations and pine forests. If we weren't under such time pressure we would be delighted to be taking these roads and not the expressway, you see much more of the real China. We also have the endless amusement of people's reactions to not only westerners driving past, but westerners in a pink tuk tuk. Reactions range from bewilderment to hysterical screams and gaping mouths. We even had one lorry full of construction workers hollering 'I love you' at us!

Sam, on the hand, is finding the whole experience mortifyingly embarassing. His most frequent expression is 'Preease, save my face'. In other words, stop embarassing me. This is normally provoked by our mid-afternoon outbursts of hysteria, when we start singing (Ting Tong merrily on high is a current favourite) and generally behaving in a puerile manner. There have also been a few occasions when, erm, nature called and we simply had to pull over by the side of the road. Sam was appalled but when you gotta go...

The fact that we are travelling in a tuk tuk is also a source of humiliation for him. In China everyone wants brand new SUVs, a tuk tuk is something reserved for poor rural areas, he can not understand our choice of vehicle. Even worse is travelling in a dirty tuk tuk and most mornings we find him, sponge in hand, fervently washing the layer of mud and dust off TT. Poor Sam, I think he might be in a straight-jacket by the end of his two weeks with us.

So times are hard but all is OK and the adventure is in full swing. The last few days have been tough but we never expected it to be easy. We're off to the stone forest at Shilin today and hopefully in the next day or two the CSITS will come up with a solution."

Love Ants and Jo x

Stone Forest, China

Thursday 15th June: The Stone Forest, Yunnan Province

Jo writes...

"Today was the best roads we have had so far in China, although the road quality wasn't consistent. At the beginning we drove through some serious off the beaten track routes, made up of a stony dirt track. Sam and I exited Ting Tong and left Ants to navigate the best route herself.

We now know for definite that we cannot drive on the Expressway during our time in China, which is pretty soul-destroying. Consequently our average speed is reduced by at least half and we will be forced to miss at least two sights that we had in our itinerary. We are hoping that our time in China can be increased by 10 days, because driving for 11 hours a day is not practical or safe.

The last three days have consisted of driving, sitting in the back of TT and sleeping in hotel rooms. For me the days seem to blur into one long drive punctuated by 'different but same same' Chinese cities. The advantages of this are twofold: we get to see some amazing scenery rather than flying down the Expressway and we get to stay in cities that are very Chinese and not frequented by foreigners. The disadvantages are that we are very tired and under constant pressure to make up the time that we have lost from driving at an average of about 30km/hour. We are currently three days behind on our proposed itinerary.

Today we tried to pull a slightly cheeky one. To cut corners on the 'old road' (i.e. slow road) we tried to enter the Expressway so that we could exit 300m from the entrance onto the old road so that we would miss out a few miles. We pulled up to the Expressway entrance and several vehicles pulled up behind us. What followed was several phone calls to the managers at the Expressway as the lady at the toll booth did not want to let us enter. The cars and trucks behind us started beeping frantically and one driver looked at us with pure fury in his eyes. In the end we were told that our sly ploy had failed because there were some police just down the road and we would get in serious trouble with them when spotted. So, Ants had to reverse TT back into the flow of oncoming traffic and we had to carry on and find the old road. This is when we ended up driving down the aforementioned dirt track. Oh well, at least we tried...

Eventually we came out on the old road and to our great surprise there were no potholes and we could cruise along at 40mph. This made for a smooth journey and a total driving time of about 3 hours, which made such a pleasant change. However, we were still very tired from our previous few days and felt steamrolled.

We parked TT outside our hotel in The Stone Forest, unloaded and then actually had time to go for a walk and be proper tourists. The Stone Forest is a huge area filled with amazing natural limestone rocks and trees. The scenery is like nothing I have ever seen before and quite spectacular. The rocks have been there for 270 million years and at that time were under the sea. Their structure has resulted from millions of years of natural erosion, the retreating ice age and earthquakes. The latter makes some of them look like someone has glued an extra piece to the top, where the earthquake has obviously fractured the rock. We went on a well-trodden and paved tourist trail through some of the rock formations. There were quite a few other tourists, all of whom were Chinese.

We took some very cheesy photos (well, I did) and ended up buying a load of authentic hand made articles from the local Yi people, a minority in China to which our guide belongs. A very weather-beaten old women clad in the local dress offered us some aprons and bags for sale. I bought an apron and have been proudly wearing it all evening. I think the locals think it is a bit strange. We spent an hour tasting teas unique to the Yunnan province and purchased two different varieties, one that is good for digestion and the other for your liver and general well being. A couple of the teas tasted very strange; there were about three different flavours that hit different parts of your mouth; the tip of the tongue, middle of the tongue and finally the back of the tongue. Then we went out for a meal with Sam and the lady who had sold us the tea and we enjoyed the best meal we have eaten in China; it was absolutely delicious. I honestly believe that some of the best food you will eat in a country like this is not in the posh restaurants and 5 star hotels, but just at a small local restaurant."

Love Ants and Jo x

China under construction

Saturday 17th June: Huanguoshu Waterfall, China

Jo writes...

"Right now we in a hotel in Huanguoshu, where there is a very large waterfall that is supposed to be one of the key highlights of this province, Guizhou. We arrived too late to enter during daylight, but were lucky enough to arrive as they were staging a night lightshow (apparently because of the World Cup). So we had some supper and descended 559 steps to see the waterfall illuminated by green floodlights. I have never seen a waterfall by night and it was quite impressive - I actually think we enjoyed the experience more than if we had seen it during daylight.

Back to the last two days of driving. The roads seem to have improved since we left Yunnan, although rather than being bad all of the time, they are now bad just some of the time. Today's drive had mostly good tarmac, but we were slowed down by the steep and windy mountainous roads. Ting Tong has a front disc brake and back drum brakes. The disk brake is a motorcycle brake and is used for about 80% of our braking power. This is not ideal when we are descending steep windy roads and instead of speeding up between corners, we have to keep her in third gear and use the engine as our main brake. This is not a criticism of her construction, because it is the only way that she could be built - she is just not big enough to have a front brake like a car.

Yesterday was possibly our most challenging day, although I didn't find it as mentally tough as the driving last week. Our accelerator pedal had felt really stiff for a while and we thought it had begun to get more stiff. I spoke to my Dad and he warned that the cable may snap. Lo and behold, I am driving down the road and the cable snaps. We were right out in the sticks, with the nearest form of civilization 20 minutes away. I phoned Anuwat (our tuk tuk maker) and told him the problem. He told me that it was really easy to fix and that we needed to find a spare cable. Thank goodness Anuwat had sent us on our way with two full boxes of spares which live on Ting Tong's roof-rack!

We located the cable and Anuwat explained that we needed to unscrew the front seat and get access to the engine. He then explained that we needed to find the carburettor. We toyed with the idea of hitching a lift to the next town and getting a mechanic to come and help us. However, the fact that Anuwat had said it was easy to fix made me want to try it without help. The next two plus hours were spent on our hands and knees or back fixing the problem. This involved removing the old cable and putting in a new one. If we had to do the same job again it would probably take just 20 minutes, but we were trying to cut a new cable complete with plastic sheath down to size. We then had to make sure the tension was correct and cut it to size so that it did not dangle on the floor.

Eventually we succeeded, a combined effort from Ants, myself and Sam (our brilliant guide). It was with great trepidation that I started the engine and drove off, unaware whether the tension would be OK. To our great relief TT was driving like a dream. Once in the next town we asked a mechanic to check our handiwork and he said it was fine. I cannot tell you satisfying doing our own mechanical repairs was, even though it left us with many hours still to drive.

The rest of the day was OK, apart from a rather hairy patch of road that was under construction. I have decided to get a T-shirt made which reads 'China, Under Construction'. The driving here is the worst I have experienced anywhere in the world. The Chinese make the Indians look like Formula One drivers. There is no regard for other road users at all and wing mirrors are not used. People here may as well be wearing blinkers (like horses) for all the attention they pay to other road users.

Our day ended with a tropical downpour. The rain was like nothing we get in England. It is like having buckets of water thrown at you from all angles. When the rain started Sam and I put down the back rain covers, with me holding a limp and useless umbrella over my head. We hoped the rain would pass, but it got stronger and stronger, until everything in the back was soaked. We eventually made it to the hotel at 9pm. It was a town that I doubt sees any Westerners and as we parked TT outside and staggered into the hotel, I think they could hardly believe their eyes!"

Ants writes...

"The last few days have, as Jo has aptly illustrated, been incredibly tough. We covered 270 km in 11 hours yesterday, and 240 kms in nine hours today. Yesterday was hellish; not only did we have to deal with fixing the accelerator cable, but we got totally drenched by the most violent tropical rainstorm I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. So suddenly was it upon us that, by the time Jo had bravely leapt out to put down the raincovers, us and all our stuff was drenched. All I cared about was the DV camera, which we wrapped in my tropical poncho and luckily saved from a watery grave.

So now we find ourselves in Guizhou province where they have a predilection of dog meat. This has me looking at every dog wondering if it is dinner or a pet. We've already experienced some of the regions famous karst landscape, and the roads today have taken us through some incredible mountains, rice terraces and lakes dyed electric green by the limestone. As for the roads, they are definitely better than Yunnan, but still hard work. The potholes are smaller but the S bends just as challenging. Having said that though, we did encounter a stretch of road this morning that had me wondering how the hell we would make it across. At one point I had to hang off the side of Ting Tong to balance her as Jo navigated one particularly deep rain-filled pothole. Slightly hair-raising.

The roads may be better but the driving is still totally bonkers. Our 'best' stretch of road yesterday was perhaps the scariest we have encountered; buffalo carts doing U turns onto the carriageway, trucks coming straight at you down the wrong side of the road and upturned nails where temporary speed bumps once were. You can't afford to lose concentration for a nanosecond. I still can't work out why so many people here seem to favour driving the wrong way down dual carriageways, or going round roundabouts backwards.

One final thing; the loos here are the worst I have ever encountered - think Glastonbury on day three and you are almost there. I nearly vomit every time I have to use one, much to Jo's amusement. She certainly has a stronger stomach than I have."

Love Ants and Jo x

Dirty tukkers in China

Sunday 18th June: Louzhou, Sichuan Province, China

Ants writes...

"Another day, another 300 kms covered.Eight hours spent tailing Dong Feng's belching black smoke tends to make one a little grubby.

War nearly broke out between the mothertruckers and the mothertukkers this afternoon. We've almost become accustomed to the driving here; the penchant for overtaking round the blindest corners, the neither a look to the left nor the right before pulling out, the constant near misses. But one Dong Fenger today really took the biscuit...

Sunday 18th June: Louzhou, Sichuan Province, China

Ants writes...

"Another day, another 300 kms covered.Eight hours spent tailing Dong Feng's belching black smoke tends to make one a little grubby.

War nearly broke out between the mothertruckers and the mothertukkers this afternoon. We've almost become accustomed to the driving here; the penchant for overtaking round the blindest corners, the neither a look to the left nor the right before pulling out, the constant near misses. But one Dong Fenger today really took the biscuit...

As he roared past us, nearly sending Ting Tong and contents off a rocky precipice, I made the error of giving him the finger. The sight of an angry white arm appearing out of a mobile pink wendy house obviously riled him for as soon as he passed us he, whilst driving, opened the door of his truck, leant out and shook his fists in fury. Unluckily for us, a toll gate appeared 2km later and as we pulled up, the still-seething trucker leapt out of his lorry and marched over to Ting Tong, gesticulating wildly and shouting what I can only assume wasn't 'Welcome to China, have a nice day'. I seriously thought he might punch me, and he probably would have if a burly security guard hadn't restrained him. He did however manage to unzip his trousers and reveal a pair of red 'Y fronts' and all therein before Jo finally paid the toll and we zoomed off. All the time Jo had been oblivious to my plight, dealing with paying the toll, and couldn't believe it when I filled her in. Sam said maybe I shouldn't give anyone the finger and I think I agree.

I spent the next 70 km thinking about that film Duel, waiting for the offended trucker to appear on our tail and force us off the edge of the mountain. Quite scary. I guess it's all down to cultural relativism. Driving that is totally acceptable here would lose you your license in the UK in two minutes. So he probably thought my finger was unjustified, while I saw our lives flashing before my eyes.

We're in Luzhou tonight; big, polluted and very hot. Sam has left us to our own devices so we're off to explore and hopefully not get lost or be fed dog by accident."

Jo writes...

"Hello all, right now we are in a hotel and on the internet - a bloody revelation. China is brilliant and frustrating in equal measures.

Things I like about China: The people. The food. The scenery.

Things I dislike about China: Dong Feng trucks. The driving. The road conditions. The public lavatories.

So overall China gets a big thumbs up and we seem to be settling into a routine of getting up and driving for long hours without too many grumbles. It would be nice to have a day off at some point in the next three weeks, but if we don't it won't destroy us. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and if you don't laugh you cry. Oh how I love cliches...

Yesterday we visited Zijin caves, which were absolutely breathtaking. They must be one of the most impressive caves in the world. The length of the caves is 12.1km, although I think we covered about half that distance. There were no English guides and so we joined a group of Chinese. We didn't have a clue what the guide was saying, but she sounded like she knew what she was talking about. I have never seen such large stalctites and stalagmites in my life, some must have been about 60ft tall/long. I also learnt a new thing about limetsone rock formations created by dripping water, that when a stalactite and stalagmite join together it is called a stalacto-stalagmite.

The rocks were amazing shapes, with many looking like large jellyfish e.g. Portuguese Man of War. We passed through different levels of the cave and eventually came upon the huge main cavern, which was at least the size of a football pitch. I worried about a stalactite falling from the roof and causing an ignominious death for us both. I informed Ants that I thought it would be a very painless death and that it would make for a good article in a newspaper. Unfortunately, we had driven in the morning and had a long drive ahead of us and therefore were too tired to enjoy the caves as we felt we should have done. In hindsight I am appreciating them alot more. I put on Ants' iPod and was listening to some music, which inspired me to start cave dancing in a rather peculiar manner. What I had failed to realise was that a security guard was walking right behind me as I shook my little booty. Ooops.

I thought I smoked too much, but the Chinese really put me to shame. I am not sure how the roads ever get built as there always seems to be someone having a cigarette break. They also smoke while riding motorbikes, which I am sure is quite dangerous. You seem to able to smoke everywhere in China apart from the lifts.

Today we were on the road for nine hours, which included an hour for lunch. We must be getting used to the long hours, because it was OK. Apart from Ants' incident with the rather cross Dong Feng driver, there were no problems. Two strange things we saw today included a dead foal strapped to the back of a motorbike and a dead dog being dragged along the road by a small child. Pet or lunch?

Tomorrow we are getting TT serviced. I will watch carefully so that I learn how to do the oil filter and air filter myself. I will change the front brake pad, but get a motorcycle mechanic to check my handiwork. Changing the oil is something we will let a mecahnic deal with, because they can dispose of the old oil safely and we cannot. Also, we think her accelerator is starting to stiffen again so I will get the mechanic to check that also.

That's all folks, time for bed as another long day beckons and the tired tukkers need their beauty sleep."

Love Ants and Jo x

Western China

Monday 26th June: Lanzhou, north-west China

Ants writes...

"18 days into our Chinese tukathon and we've reached the half way point in this neverending country. As you can probably tell by the absence of blogs in the last week, we've had our foot flat to the floor, driving on average 10 hours a day. If we didn't have a log book I would find it very hard to remember where we have been or what day or date it is. It all melts into one long bumpy road.

After Leshan we headed for Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province and home to around 10 million people. We gave Emeishan, the Holy Mountain we were supposed to climb, a swerve and opted instead for a much needed day off in Chengdu.

Some day off. The CSITS insisted we went to extend our visas, saying it would take an hour. So we hung around, filled in forms, waited some more, only to be told after wasting about four hours that in fact we would have to wait five days to get our passports back. We were not amused. It was our first day off in 12 days, we were desperate to explore the city and just chill out. Our plans had been scuppered, once again, by the CSITS.

For the next few days we headed further north through Sichuan. The beautiful mountains of Yunnan and Guizhou were replaced by an endless stream of filthy towns, shrouded in a noxious cloak of pollution, some no more than mountains of bricks and half knocked down houses. I feel so sorry for the people who live in these towns, victims of China's frenetic quest for development, living in places that honestly looked like they have been caught in the Blitzkreig.

After the pollution and filth of central Sichuan came Gansu, where we currently are. Traditionally viewed as as a buffering zone between China and the barbarians beyond, Gansu is a huge province which goes from Lanzhou in the west to Dunhuang in the east. More importantly for us, as we tukked into it on Friday, we passed the 5000km mark, meaning we have covered 2000km in China.

Driving into Gansu felt like entering a different country. The manicured hills of Yunnan and Guizhou were replaced by rugged, scree-laden peaks. Hints of Muslim culture began to appear and the air became dry and stifling. And Gansu had a special surprise in store for us.

On Friday evening, after 11 hours on the road, the afternoon tuk fever and hysteria set in. With me at the wheel, Jo launched into singing Nee-hao (hello), in perfect operatic tones, to all lucky passers by. Whether toiling in the fields, selling watermelons by the side of the road or just strolling to town, they all got treated to Jo's dulcit tones. Sam hid under his map in embarrassment (whilst trying unsuccessfully to contain his laughter) and I tried to drive straight whilst weak all over from laughing. It really was hilarious.

The zenith came as we drove slowly through a small town. Tens of Dong Feng trucks were pulled up by the roadside and crowds of people milled around. We assumed it was dinner time and everyone had stopped for their rice and noodles. Jo continued her operatic offerings, safe in the knowledge that we would never see these people again. As we rounded a corner we saw the cause of the crowds, a vast landslide blocking a 50m section of the road. We soon discovered there had been not one, but two, earthquakes, causing the landslide as well as destroying some houses. There was no escape. It was 8pm, all the hotels were full, everyone had abandoned their houses for fear of an aftershock and the only other road to Wudu - which lay tantalisingly close at 50 km away - was a 300km diversion along dirt tracks. The only option was to wait until they cleared the path. It could be the next day, it could be in two days.

What followed was by far the funniest night we have had in China so far. Ting Tong and her inhabitants became an instant source of amusement for the locals and we spent the night at a karaoke bar, drinking far too much beer with the local lads. Sleeping on the pavement wasn't quite so much fun but hey, its all part of the adventure. Amazingly, by noon the next day, one ancient digger and some dynamite had cleared the road and we were off again.

Yesterday was another massive day of driving - 12 hours on the road, 365 km covered. The long hours were alleviated by the incredible beauty of the country we were passing through. Magic. Mountains rose up on either side of the road, so perfectly green - it was as if some ancient being had cast a giant velvet cloak over their shoulders. Funny yak-like creatures, wild horses and goats grazed in flower strewn meadows. And to top it all off, we ended the day by driving into a perfect sunset. However long and tiring the days are, scenes like this can not help but lift the spirits. That's not to say I didn't feel slightly deranged by fatigue by the time we arrived in Lintao last night.

So now we are in Lanzhou, where after 5600 km of tukking north we turn Ting Tong west and head along the Silk Road for Central Asia and home. Our visas are being extended today and we are changing guides, Sam is being replaced by Jack, who hails from Urumqui. Sam was so relieved to make it through his tukathon he leapt out of Ting Tong this morning and embraced Jack like a long lost brother. Sam has been a funny one - oscillating between perfect charm and vile sulks. We hope Jack is a little less moody.

As for our Chinese solution - well there isn't one. The CSITS can't (or won't) extend our permits and we can't drive any harder than we currently are. There is no way we will make it out of China by the 7th, so we'll just have to pray we don't get whipped and sent to prison at the border.

A few random observations about China

At least 20% of the cars are VW Santanas Ankle socks are all the rage Perms a la 1980's are the heightof fashion, The biggest crowd TT has pulled so far is 46. That was at a five minute ice-cream stop yesterday.

It is the most bizarre country and although its been a bit of an endurance test, it's been our favourite so far. Every day something makes us really laugh. That's it for now - sorry its a bit long and no idea when we'll next make it to the internet."

Love Ants and Jo x

Starting the Silk Road

Wednesday 28th June: Wuwei, Gansu Province, China

Ants writes...

"Today we finally turned West and headed for the plains of Central Asia along the fabled Silk Road. It's good to feel that we are, after five weeks of tukking north, finally heading for Europe and home. Although we're not even half way yet!

We said goodbye to Sam this morning who flew back home to Kunming to sleep for a week and to celebrate his survival. So now we are in the capable hands of Jack from Urumqui. After a day with him we feel sure he is going to be lots of fun. Rather than cringing with embarassment when we sing or when Jo sprung into an impromptu Cossack dancing display in the middle of a quiet mountain road today, he joined in. Several cars stopped to view this strange scene, I whipped out the camera as per usual and then off we went. Now we are in Wuwei and tomorrow its 250 km to Zhangye.

Very amusingly, Jo just got an email from MIND saying we have been shortlisted for Cosmopolitan's 'Fun Fearless Female' award. Hilarious. Great for boosting our fundraising though - we are currently almost at £20,000 so still another £30,000 to go until we reach our target.

I was just thinking as we were driving today how wonderful it is to be travelling with Jo. Ever since an eventful five day caravanning trip in Norfolk aged 17 - had a car crash, went to hospital, nearly blew up the caravan, evicted from the caravan park - we have wanted to go travelling together. University, jobs and Jo's illness all delayed us by 10 years. I couldn't wish for a better person to be doing this trip with; Jo makes me laugh hysterically every day, rarely gets grouchy and always makes me wear suncream. What more could I wish for? So thank you Ferret.

That's all for today. Gansu continues to fascinate with its curious meld of Chinese and Muslim culture, the mountains get more beautiful by the day and the fruit is incredible. Jack ate chicken's feet for dinner which he says are quite delicious. I'm not sure I agree."

North-West for the British Penguins

Jo writes...

"The scenery is so breathtaking here. What I would describe as raw nature - fewer signs of human activity and mountains surrounding us. It is very different to southern China. The people have longer noses and some have green eyes. Also, the food is mainly noodle-based and a refreshing change to rice.

I have referred to us as penguins for a reason and it is nothing to do with the Pingwu reference. In Lanzhou (a coupe of nights ago) we went for a wander and it was raining. We both sported green ponchos to keep dry. The pavements here are very slippery when wet and our foot atire (flip flops) don't have much grip. We both nearly went tit over arse a few times and realised that the only way to stay vertical was to shuffle along like a couple penguins in single file. The thought of either of us suffering a broken limb was enough to reduce our walk to the pace of a crawling baby. If one of us breaks a bone, the other would have to drive the whole way back to England and I can tell you that this is our idea of a nightmare.

Today we drove along the Great Wall - not literally. I didn't know that it is about 5000km long and we were driving right next to it for most of the day. It was awesome. It is not how you imagine after perhaps having seen photos, but it is so tall and wide that old Genghis Khan must have found it a challenging obstacle. It was in a pretty tatty state for the most part, but still an imposing sight. Sometimes it continued undamaged for a mile and there were watch towers (I assume) at quite close intervals. It was a very special day."

Love Ants and Jo x

The Great Wall, China

Friday 30th June 2006: Jiayuguan, North-west China

Ants writes...

"It's funny to think that when Jo and I first got our Chinese itinerary from the CSITS we balked at the sight of a 566km day, imagining the horror of driving for eight hours. Now here we are, 21 days into China, and today, at six hours, was far and away our shortest day on the road. Even eight hours falls into the short day bracket now, so used are we to arriving at our destination each night after upwards of ten hours tukking.

Gansu maye be a very poor province but boy, are it's roads better. Today we covered 260km in six hours, cruising along almost pothole-free tarmac at a steady 50 km per hour. Since we left Lanzhou a few days ago, we have been heading west, along the old Silk Road, more used to carrying precious caravans of silk and spices than Ting Tongs. Our road has taken us along the Hexi Corridor, a 1000km stretch of land sandwiched between mountains to the south and the Gobi Desert to the north. For centuries this was the trading route between China and the West, the only way for goods and people to cross the cultural and geographical divide. Today spanking a new expressway stretches across the wilderness, a far cry from the camel caravans of ancient times, as Dong Feng trucks carry coal and other goods to Xinjiang and beyond. The Hexi corridor is also famous for being the location of 1000 km of the Great Wall, which we saw yesterday for the first time.

This mythical wall, lauded as the only man-made structure visible from space, is always something I have imagined as a vast brick edifice. But the Wall we encountered yesterday is no more than crumbling mud ramparts, barely distinguishable from the desert engulfing it. For most of the road between Wuwei and Zhangye we tukked along beside this historic remnant, evocative even in it's advanced state of disrepair. I feel sure that Ting Tong was the first pink TT to follow it's path.

Today was equally impressive driving, the road continuing west through vast tree-less expanses. Rearing up in the distance on our left were the snow-capped peaks of the Qilian mountains, to our right the endless horizon of the desert. Never before have I been somewhere so remote, it felt like driving to the edges of the universe. Which to the Chinese, it almost is.

Jiayuguan, where we are now, has always been synonymous in Chinese culture as a place of grim desolation, comparable to the outer edges of Siberia in the Russian psyche. Here lies the last fortress of the Great Wall, built in 1372 by the Ming dynasty. Looking out over it's ramparts this afternoon it was easy to imagine why this place has such connotations. Sand and snow-capped mountains filled the horizon and although the temperature was a scorching 34 degrees today, in winter the thermometer plunges to 20 below zero.

Thanks to Jack's encouragement - Jo and I were both feeling tired and idle - we also took in the Great Wall museum. Did you know that the Wall was begun in the 7th century BC, took over 2000 years to build, and during the time of the Ming dynasty needed a million men to guard its 25,000 m length? No, neither did I. Quite amazing.

Tomorrow we continue further west, to Anxi. We've got to leave very early as for 250km of the 320km route there are roadworks, surprise surprise. Then hopefully we can have a day off paragliding or dune surfing in the desert. Double wooopeeee!"

Jo writes...

"Another day, another pair of underpants (as my friend Sarah Craig used to say at school). Today was a really good day. Not only were the roads brilliant, but we also visited the last fort stationed on The Great Wall in the west, here at Jiayuguan.

We set off this morning at the leisurely hour of 9.30am - a very late start for us. The tarmac was beautiful (Ants and I are keen tarmac enthusiasts) and we covered 100km in under two hours. These kinds of distances have not been covered in such a time since Thailand. I felt quite euphoric and we stopped for a cup of coffee in the petrol station to celebrate. The roads became slightly less smooth when Ants took over, but we were still travelling at 40mph, which is our speed limit here in China for a three wheeler.

The beauty of not taking the Expressways has become apparent to us and we now look down on those poor people who are stuck travelling at speeds in excess of 60mph. Well, occassionally we are a little envious. The positives of travelling on the old (and slower) road is that we can stop whenever we want to take photos or have a short break. We travel through completely untouristy villages and towns, where we can stop and eat lunch. The local people are interested in TT and we are interested in them. It is a mutually beneficial relationship.

However, we aren't always impressed when they shake her to test the suspension or when they get in the driving seat and start changing gears. Sometimes we start the engine while we are eating lunch to give people a shock. We have a remote control that can set off alarms and stat and stop the engine within a range of a couple of hundred metres. It is quite funny watching 30 plus people jump - not in a nasty way and they always find it funny.

I have found a new favourite food here and I ate about 0.5 kg of it at supper. In Chinese restaurants in England we have toffee banana or apple - here they have toffee potato. It sounds a strange combination, but is delicious and great energy food. I think I could do my Russian dancing for at least an hour after a plate of the stuff, although I haven't tried it yet.

That reminds me, supper tonight was very amusing. We brought in our own beer and were drinking it from tiny tea cups. The waitress came over and poured Chinese tea into Jack's beer, which made us giggle. Then our food arrived - coriander salad (devil's herb), cooked celery (double yuck), my favourite new food, a tofu dish and a fish Jack had chosen from it's tank. Jack asked Ants if she liked Wasabi (Japanese mustard based rocket fuel for the taste buds). She said she did and so Jack poured the whole bowl of Wasabi over Ants' coriander salad. Ants took a large mouthful, went red, nearly choked and tears poured from her eyes. We all collapsed into laughter and the waitress must have thought we were bonkers. The toffee potatoes had totally set and so we tried to prise them apart with a combination of chopsticks (useless), fingers (a little better), toothpick (the best), knife and fork (food destroyed). Bits of toffee started flying everywhere, the table, the floor, on us. We laughed again and ate more toffee (i.e. pure sugar) than is probably good for us. Good fun and a tasty meal.

Our new guide Jack just highlights the differences between him and Sam. Jack is the sort of person we would be mates with back home and Sam was grumpy and somewhat uninspiring company. Jack always asks if we slept well, what food we would like etc... Sam never did any of this and would often keep us waiting 10 minutes in the morning because he was still asleep. Jack sings, dances, is funny and charming and a great person to be around. He is not as good as map reading as Sam, but who cares. He is such a wicked guy and we hope he can come with us to the border. Currently, his boss is due to escort us from China (I think to make sure we leave), but it is unsettling changing guides and why would we want someone new for two or three days when Jack fits our threesome so well?

So, life is good with the tukkers. We still drive long days, but have now got used to it and six hours driving feels short and fun. China has been an experience from day one; at times trying and exhausting, but the experiences we will take away and cherish for ever. I wouldn't rather be anywhere else, or with anyone else."

Love Ants and Jo x

Hitting the desert...

Sunday 2nd July 2006: Dunhguang, oasis in Gansu Province

Jo writes...

"The last few days have been good. It's hard to tell why we are both feeling more perky and positive, but it could be a number of reasons. Although we are still driving long hours (11 hours yesterday), we are having a lot of fun and don't crash out in the back after two hours in the driving seat. Our new guide Jack could be partly responsible for our happiness. He is great fun and together we have a real laugh and some good breaks during our long days.

With Sam, you could tell he wasn't happy if we stopped to take photos or have a coffee break. Jack has his own camera (old school SLR) and is as happy as we are when good photo opportunities arise, eg. when we drove next to The Great Wall the other day. Yesterday we had a short strawberry, cucumber, tomato and coffee break, which was very pleasant but ended in a messy food fight.

Another reason for feeling good is that we feel that we have cracked China. During the first week it was a real mental and physical struggle having to deal with the long hours, heavy traffic and terrible roads. Now we are heading west, driving longer distances and coping with it well. We will be leaving China in another week, but would happily stay for longer to explore the remote northwestern provinces. Tomorrow we will hit the 7000km marker and we are making good progress and keeping to our schedule. Once we arrive in Kazkhstan the pressure will reduce as we are no longer confined to a strict itinerary and can take a rest day as we need it.

Today was our first real day off i.e. no hanging around to extend our visas. We had a lie in, after watching England cruelly losing to Portugal in the World Cup - they must have felt like it was 2002 all over again. The referee was OTT sending off Rooney. I hope he isn't vilified the way Beckham was when he was sent off eight years ago. Sorry, I digress...

11.30am and I finally peeled myself from bed. Ants had to tell me to stop snoring at 8am, to which I did my usual grunt, rolled over and stopped sounding like a man. I must have caught my snoring from my mother, which is strange because we are not genetically related. Still, the camping holiday in Scotland probably taught me how to snore very well and I think nurture often beats nature anyway.

Oops, I went off on another unnecessary tangent. Around midday we went into town and I delivered my films to get developed. Five whole films starting in Laos that I was desperate to see. The climate here is very hot and dry. Very good for sunbathing, but not so good for charging around sightseeing. We relaxed under a tree and had a light lunch and some tea. I am now so used to Chinese tea that I think it will be strange to go back to English tea and I never thought I would say that. In England I drink about 10 cups a day with lots of milk and two sugars!

I went to collect my photos and Ants and I enjoyed going through them all. They are mostly good with the odd out of focus one thrown in for good measure. Now, I need a good hour to go through them properly and put them into albums, they came in a huge stack of over 150. After lunch we went back to the hotel and planned to have a short rest before giving TT a bath. She is absolutely covered in mud and muck - in some places nearly an inch thick. Ants went outside to read her book in the sun while I had a doze, but she returned after about 20 minutes because the sun was too hot (about 36 degrees). I then had a nap and Ants went off to use the internet. We felt like we ought to go and see Mogao caves today, the mind was willing but the body less so. As this was our first real break for nearly a month we both felt like we shouldn't push ourselves to do everything. We both know that we will return to northwest China and will then have the time and the energy to spent a full day exploring the caves and their Buddhist art.

This evening we headed to the 300 metre high sand dunes 6km south of town. I have never seen such huge sand dunes before and they were really fantastic. They would have been even better if they had not been quite so touristified (I know that is not a real word). We had to pay an entrance fee, money for our camel ride (too hard to walk up a steep sand dune as Ants later discovered), money to go sand toboganning, money to go quad biking and then more money when the quad bike dudes asked for a tip (cheeky monkeys). Still, we had a great time, got covered in sand and enjoyed having the spirit and energy to just be tourists and unwind.

Jack and I climbed a sand dune using wooden steps, but Ants decided to be adventurous and climb the dune itself. Two steps forward and one step back - it looked exhausting and we were glad that we had accessed the dunes on the back of our camels. Jack challenged Ants to climb the whole way and if she did he would buy her 0.5kg of raisins and 0.5kg of lemons. This was enough for Ants to stagger up the dune puffing and panting to claim her prize. She then celebrated by doing handstands, before we descended at full speed on sand toboggans."

Love Ants and Jo x

Feeling the heat

Wednesday 5th July 2006: Turpan, North West China

Ants writes...

Its 42 degress outside and after a morning of exploring in the scorching heat, Jo and I have retreated indoors to blog and sort out Kazakhstan issues. We arrive at the border in six days and still have a few things to do to ensure the crossing goes smoothly and that we have the correct documents and insurance.

Kazakhstan has the potential to be our most difficult country; corruption is endemic and even if we have everything in order, there is nothing to say that we won't be held up at the border by guards wanting to make a quick dollar. So we are going to be armed with letters from our embassy, our press release in Russian, newspaper clippings and a big smile...and pray that we won't run into a problems. Olov, a Swedish guy we have been in touch with who did the crossing recently on a 1938 bike and sidecar he bought in Beijing, had his bike confiscated and got a hefty $500 fine at the border. He's now hired a lawyer to sort out his problems and has advised us to go back to Beijing and cross into Mongolia - and avoid Kazakhstan at all costs. Too late. So all we can do is cover everything and hope the guards are feeling charitable when we arrive.

Last night we arrived in Turpan, one of the old Silk Road cities, a man-made oasis inhabiting the second lowest point on the planet. At 80 metres below sea level only the Dead Sea lies at a lower depression. Such unusual topography means that the Turpan basin has baking hot summers and viciously cold winters. In July the average temperature is 39 degrees whilst in winter this plummets to -20. Add to this the fact that there is no rainfall and you wonder why people ever settled here. Water is provided by an ingenious irrigation system, conceived over 2000 years ago, whereby water from the mountains and glaciers is chanelled to the area via 5000km of underground pathways.

Jack was so worried about driving here in the blistering heat yesterday that we were up at 6am, with TT loaded and rearing to go by 6.30am. Unfortunately, there was no sign of Jack. Half an hour later he appeared, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and apologising profusely for the fact that he had slept in. After getting lost leaving Hami for another half an hour, we eventually got onto the road for Turpan and started our 410km tuk through the Gobi. Except for a freak rainstorm at 9.30am which had us scrambling for the rain covers and getting soaked, our desert drive was uneventful. Jo and I just thanked our guardian angels that the roads here are a million miles better than in the south - straight and pothole free. Amazingly, we arrived in Turpan by 3pm, we never could have dreamed of covering such mileage in so little time a few weeks ago.

Jo, Jack and I have had another day off today so with hats, suncream and buckets of water we headed off to the ancient city of Jiaohe this morning. We didn't even wake up until 10.30am, so by the time we made it there it was boiling hot. We did have a plan to cycle, but after seeing the state of the ancient bikes, we decided a taxi was a far better option. Any movement in this heat is not advisable.

Jiahe was far and away our favourite Chinese 'scenic spot'. In short, it's the ruins of a 3000 year old city, built of clay and destroyed in Buddhist vs Islamic wars in the 14th century. It was the first 'scenic spot' we've visited which hasn't been ruined, plasticised and plagued with vendors and recalcitrant camels. Yet another point scored for North West China.

For two hours we wandered around, took photos, groaned about the heat and tried to imagine what it would have been like 1000 years ago, with 7000 inhabitants and a river 30 metres deep. Then it was time for wine tasting, lunch and air-conditioning.

Later this evening we've requisitioned a donkey cart to take us on a wee trip into the countryside, in the company of a few cool pineapple beers (a bit sweet but good for the thirst). Then tomorrow it's 187km west to Urumqui, capital of Xinjiang, for another day off and an en-route swim in a salt lake. That's it from me..."

Love Ants and Jo x

Goodbye China

Sunday 9th July 2006: Saryam Lake, Xinjiang Province. China

Ants writes...

"Our last day in China, how strange. At last after 30 days of driving across this massive country the Kazakh border is within spitting distance, a mere 60km or so west from here. The last month has been an intense experience; exhausting, exhilarating, stressful, hilariously funny, mindblowingly beautiful, frustrating and immensely rewarding. After all the trials and tukulations that China has put us through I never felt I would be feeling sad to leave it behind. But I am.

We couldn't be spending our last day here in a more idyllic setting, yet today is tinged with a sadness that has really surprised me. More than anything I can't believe that we have been on the road for six weeks, and that we are half way home. It's as if the gears of time have gone into fast-forward and are catapulting us towards our final destination in turbo mode. Although we are both appreciating every moment there's nothing we can do to slow it down. It's like trying to grasp a handful of sand, the more you clutch at it the faster it disappears. Before we know it Jo, Ting Tong and I will be back in England, and all the weird and wonderful experiences we are having will be locked in the catacombs of our mind. But that's life, just chapters of memories to be cherished and learnt from.

Yesterday was a tuk to the road personal best. We left Urumqui at 9am, the streets still deserted due to the city living on Xinjiang time (although the clocks here are officially set to Beijing time the people live two hours behind, the same as Kazkahstan and the rest of Central Asia), and arrived at this magic lake at 8.30pm last night. Eleven and a half hours on the road, and 650 km covered. The day seemed so long that I couldn't get my head round the fact that it had all happened in a single day.

From Urumqui to here we had crossed desert, steppe, fields of sunflowers, empty scrub land and wheat fields, guided all the way by the aptly named Tien Shan - Heavenly - mountains. We set off in the morning unsure of our destination, our fate to be decided by whether we were allowed on the expressway. Our fist attempt failed and the irate lady at the toll told us to tuk off in no uncertain fashion. Undeterred, we tried the toll gate about 20km further west. Again the guards shook their heads and told us to be off to the old road, where other three-wheeled beasts dwelt. He also added that a few km further on there was a slip road where we could surreptitiously tuk onto the expressway. Which of course we did.

The next 450 km were spent speeding along on glorious tarmac, slipping through tolls before they could change their minds and waving merrily at policeman who we were convinced would stop us. Although Jo and I feel that not being allowed on the expressways has in fact turned out for the best, there are times when it's a joy to be on them. Without yesterday's luck we would never have made it to Saryam Lake last night and been able to spend our last day in China riding, walking and enjoying the unspoilt wilderness of China's final frontier.

Apart from feeling sad about leaving China today has been perfect. Jo, Jack and I went riding this morning, up into the mountains and across some very gallop-able grassland. Last time I rode with Jo was aged about 14. Today was a bit more genteel, and apart from the odd canter we mostly just lazed along at a walk or trot and enjoyed the view. Everyone here has horses, they are their livelihood. They spend their whole lives on their four-legged friends, herding their flocks, then eat them when they get too old to work. Being a vegetarian, I was delighted to read in our Central Asian Lonely Planet this morning that horsemeat is also a national specialty in Kazakhstan. Horse sausage, horse intestine, horse liver... horse everything. I'll just stick to the veggies, thanks.

So tomorrow morning, early, we pack up TT for the last time in China and head West to the border at Khorgos. We should reach the border by 9am, then with a bit of luck, be on the way to Almaty a few hours later. Its 300 km to Almaty and the roads are allegedly good, so we should be there by early evening, to meet up with my mother who is flying in from the UK tonight. Fingers crossed we will be having a celebratory first Kazkakh dinner tomorrow night, and all our worries about the border will have been for nothing. Lets hope our guardian angels are with us.

Finally, apropos to absolutely nothing, half of one of my teeth fell out yesterday morning whilst eating a dried mulberry. What with the 15 grey hairs I found before we started the trip, you might as well put me in an old peoples home now and be done with it. I advise everyone to avoid dried mulberries, they are extremely dangerous."

Love Ants and Jo x

Welcome to Kazakhstan

Tuesday 11th July 2006: Almaty, Kazakhstan

Jo writes...

"We woke up at 6.45am yesterday morning and packed up Ting Tong (TT) before leaving Saryam Lake and heading to the border. Well, that was the plan anyway. It was about 5C and bloody freezing. Our fingers went numb and we had problems undoing TT's dressing gown (pink rain covers). Once everything was loaded Ants turned the key in the ignition. Can you guess what happened next? Nothing! As I have previously said, TT is a tropical tuk tuk and doesn't like the cold. We tried to start her on and off for about 20 minutes, pausing so we didn't flood the engine. She did start three times, but cut out straight away.

Jack, Ants and myself tried to push her backwards up a slope, but she was too heavy for us to push. Eventually, some locals turned up and we pushed her up the slope and onto the road, before bump starting her successfully. Drama over and it was only about 8am. Ants found the whole experience quite stressful, while I chose to laugh and use the opportunity to kickstart my nicotine fix. I would have started to get stressed if the the bump start hadn't worked, but in these situations you either laugh or cry and I chose the former.

Finally we set off towards the border, all of us shivering violently against temperatures we were not dressed for and hadn't experienced in a few months. We stopped briefly for breakfast and then tukked the last 30km to the border. It was totally packed with Kazakh families who had just been visiting China for the weekend. Unlike the other border crossings, this one was packed with people and vehicles and all of our luggage had to go through an airport scanner. The whole process of scurrying around to sort out passports and to check vehicle documents took the best part of two hours, but thanks to Jack we were processed more quickly than many others. We were fretting about getting to the Kazakh side before their lunch break, because we still had nearly 400km of driving before reaching Almaty.

We hugged Jack and said goodbye. I burst into tears and felt incredibly sad to be leaving both him and China. The moment of truth arrived and we entered the Kazakh side. A soldier dressed in khaki and spitting sunflower husks onto the floor greeted us and hopped into TT with his rifle slung from his shoulder. So far so good. We drove past all of the other vehicles and went straight into the compound where we needed to get ourselves and TT processed. We smiled nervously at the border staff and Ants used her Russian skills to find out what we needed to do next. It seemed that we needed to get all of our luggage scanned again - what a pain. A man approached with a trolley and asked for $10 to take our luggage through. I got a bit stroppy with him and said no, took the trolley from his hands and loaded our luggage myself, with Ants helping.

Ants had handed the guards our Russina press release, which they read. Then, our Guardian Angel arrived. We both think that he was an important border official and he took us under his wing. After asking if we had any contraband, he told us not to bother getting our luggage scanned again. We were then pushed to the front of the queue with our passports, which were quickly stamped. Then, we drove a few yards to get TT processed. The paperwork was all organised within quarter of an hour and we were told to get vehicle insurance in Almaty. Then, the kind officer (who was quite handsome and early middle aged) gave me a plastic bag. In this bag was litres of cold drink, a box of chocolates and two Russian dolls. We asked about changing money, but they did not know what to do with our travellers cheques and so the border official then gave us about $40 of local money. Ants and I were both speechless at the generosity of this man we had never met.

I offered him a packet of Chinese cigarettes, which he accepted. He climbed into TT and then we drove out of the border area with all of the guards, officials and soldiers saluting him and opening the gates for us. Ants later said that she wondered if he wanted a lift all of the way to Almaty. He didn't and hopped out after less than 1km. We screamed with relief and were absolutely thrilled to be safely through the border. Later we were stopped at an army checkpoint, but all they wanted was to see our passports and take photos of TT.

The drive to Almaty was over 350km and we had heard mixed reports about the state of the tarmac. Some people had said the drive would take us six hours, others eight hours and one even estimated 12 hours. The road had a few potholes, but we could still travel a good 40mph. The scenery was quite stunning. Initially flat with mountains on either side, then becoming grass covered sand dunes, then through some mountains and then flat again with mountains on either side. At one point it was so windy we were reduced to 30mph, with Ants gripping the handle bars with all her might so we didn't get blown back to China.

We stopped to fill up with petrol and I was pleased that I could fill TT up myself. However, the nozzle lever got jammed and I squirted petrol all over the petrol station and myself at a great velocity. A man then came and did the job for me, but he wouldn't listen to me about putting the nozzle in to TT too far. I smugly watched as the petrol squirted out back at him - why will nobody listen to us about TT's anatomy? I guess they just like to learn the hard way.

The roads were fine and the potholes did not slow us down much. We drove into Almaty at just after 8pm and got a tiny bit lost trying to find the apartment we were renting. We finally located Ants's mum and the apartment and unloaded TT. The fears have been banished and Kazazhstan looks to be a whole new and wonderful experience, although I desperately miss China still."

Thursday 13th July 2006: Almaty, Kazakhstan

Ants writes...

"Jo has gone off to collect Ting Tong's insurance and left me to start writing an article for the Mail on Sunday, so I thought I'd do a very quick blog.

We've been in Almaty for almost three days now and it's been crazy. Almaty is so expensive, statistically more so than Washington DC and Boston and with more Porsche Cayenne's per capita than anywhere else in the world. Jo and I are both finding it very odd being in the Western world again; being bereft of chopsticks and Jack (not in that order) and are looking forward to hitting the road again.

We'll write more tomorrow as its been a very funny few days. I got attacked by a Bride of Frankenstein dentist with facial hair and inch thick kohl, we've been hanging out with the Kazakhstan Feminist League (long story), I found a huge maggot in my salad at a 'snazzy' restaurant, we've drunk fermented mare's and camel's milk and today we had a press conference organised by the British Embassy with a scary amount of TV crews and newspapers! More soon and love from us both...

Love Ants and Jo x

Almaty

Saturday 15th July 2006, Almaty, Kazakhstan

Jo writes...

"This trip just makes me so happy to be alive; even the difficult and stressful days make me appreciate the gift of life. I am also very grateful that I am able to do this trip and very briefly get glimpses into how other people live in different environments and cultures. There is too much to see and do in this World that it is not possible to fit it into one lifetime. I would like to live many lives, on the one condition that all the people (and animals) that I love could share my experiences with me.

So, we have been in Almaty for a few days and leave tomorrow for Lake Balkash, a short 700km drive away. I am not really sure what I think of Almaty. It has many tree-lined streets, but this does not necessarily make it a beautiful city. Everything is very expensive here e.g. £4 for a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and £2 per hour to use the internet. Ants and I are suffering a reverse culture shock i.e. returning to a very westernized place after having been in Asia for so long. We intended to relax and rest a little, but instead our days have been filled with chores that need to be done e.g. press conference, registering passports, organizing third party insurance, getting TT serviced etc..... However, the people here are very friendly and we have met some really interesting characters this week.

On Tuesday evening we went out to supper with Mike (Reuters chief central Asia correspondent) and his wife Gemma, who have provided us with lots of useful information about Kazakhstan. We went out to an Italian restaurant and Mr Ant was lucky enough to have a gleaming white healthy maggot in her cauliflower salad - well, I am always trying to tell her that she needs more protein in her diet!

On Wednesday we met up with a Kazakhstan feminist group, who do a brilliant job helping to promote equal rights for women here. Thursday was the most serious day of the trip to date. We took TT along to a press conference that had been organised by the British Embassy in Almaty. It took place at the headquarters of an organization called SATR, who work with children and young people with mental and physical disabilities. We had no idea what to expect and were thoroughly shocked to be filmed driving through the streets and then to be met by well over 10 journalists and a handful of TV crews. Microphones were thrust towards us as we each gave a short speech about our trip and about Mind and mental health in England. We had to speak in very short sentences so that what we'd said could be translated into Russian. It was a pretty nerve-wracking experience and I am so glad that Ants and I could share the load of public speaking - one of my least favourite hobbies. Still, it is good to think that we are getting the opportunity to speak about the problems associated with mental health.

Yesterday I took TT off to be serviced and she now has fresh oil for high performance cars, a new oil filter, fuel filter and front brake pads. The mechanic was a real character who spoke very little English and so he and I communicated mainly through hand signals for three hours. He noticed that part of TT's rear suspension was missing from one side and after a few minutes with a blow torch had fixed the part and reinserted it. I was shocked that the oil cost £20, but I think it is oil designed for very high performance cars like Porsches. I gave him a packet of Chinese cigarettes to say thank you and asked how much I owed him. He refused to take any money from me and demonstrated yet again the generosity of the people we have met throughout our journey.

Today we drove to Shymbulak (ski resort just outside Almaty) with the Reuters photographer, who took some photos of us and TT. The roads were incredibly steep and TT struggled up the mountain in second gear. We got a chairlift up the mountain and then walked back down, trying not to let our legs run away with us. I felt inspired to sing songs from 'A Sound of Music' e.g. 'Climb Every Mountain' sung by the nun to Maria when she visits the convent. As usual, plants started to wither, animals collapsed and children began to cry. I know exactly what Sam would have said, 'Preeease, save my face!'

TT did not enjoy the drive back down the mountain; she struggled to control her revs in second gear and I had to use the breaks heavily; the smell of burning metal was not nice. On the drive down we saw 27 convoys of wedding cars travelling up the mountain. I have never seen so many white Mercedes in my life. Apparently, the majority of people who get married in Almaty during the summer then get driven to the mountains to drink champagne and have photos taken.

Back on the road tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. We have been in one place for five days and I am getting itchy feet. It is time to hit that tarmac and I hope it is smooth and beautiful and black."

Love Ants and Jo x

Lake Balkash

Monday 17th July 2006, Lake Balkash, Kazakhstan

Jo writes...

"Lake Balkash is the fourth largest lake in Asia (I think) and we spent over 200km yesterday driving around it's western edge before finally arriving at Balkash city. After over 700km of driving north through the steppe and I was thoroughly exhausted.

As we drove out of Almaty yesterday morning I was just praying that we would manage to leave the city without having an accident in TT. I initially thought the driving here was better than in China, but Almaty takes the prize for reckless motoring. The combination of fast German cars and not paying proper attention to the road and the other road users results in multiple daily crashes. It was the first time that I have really felt nervous driving TT.

As we were nearing the city limits, a man walked out onto a pedestrian crossing and just seemed to stop and stare at the traffic - perhaps he was staring at TT. Anyway, the first car braked quite suddenly at the pedestrian crossing, the Mercedes behind braked suddenly to avoid smashing into the first car, which left the Lada driving third smashing at about 30mph into the back of the Mercedes. We were very lucky that the Lada driver decided to rear end the Mercedes rather than swerve straight into us. My heart started pounding and I uttered a few expletives, as did Ants. We drove around the crash to see three rather butch men get out of the Merc and walk back towards the Lada driver. God, I hope he had insurance. Guess which car came off worse? The Merc lost to the Lada, which only suffered a small dent to it's front bumper.

After safely leaving Almaty we started on the very long drive north to Balkash. I had an image of the steppe in my head and the reality matched my imagination. Hundreds of kilometers of endless scrubby grassland to the east, west, north and south followed all the way to Balkash. I loved driving through barren landscapes in China, but the steppe did not stir up so many positive emotions. I didn't dislike the drive, but it did feel a bit like driving in a computer game. Occasionally the monotony of the drive was broken up by eagles flying overhead or small herds of horses and camels grazing. Petrol stations were few and far between and a couple of times I was worried we might run out. We were flagged down a couple of times by Kazakh families who wanted to chat and take photos. The first family that stopped gave us five litres of petrol and refused any payment for it. Another example of the Kazakh hospitality that has been bestowed upon us and TT.

At one of the petrol stations the petrol was pumped by hand. This involved two men turning a handle very fast to get the petrol from it's underground tank into the vehicle. As usual, the petrol attendants wouldn't listen to us asking them not to fully insert the nozzle into TT and this resulted in 17 litres for TT and 3 litres for the petrol forecourt. At least this time it wasn't me that ended up covered in petrol.

Balkash is not a particularly attractive town and it is towered over by large industrial chimneys, which constantly belch out acidic smoke. Ants used her Russian skills to find us a hotel and we dragged our luggage up to the third floor. I had a room to myself and Ants shared with Fiona. Due to my unsociable snoring it is good for Ants to get few nights' unbroken sleep while she can. The hotel rooms are more like a granny bedsit than a hotel room, with a small bed, table and chairs, some crockery, a large fridge and a bathroom, oh, and really horrible wall paper. No offense meant to grannies living in bedsits.

We had an uninspiring supper (goulash and potatoes), which tasted rather like school dinners and then went to our respective bedrooms. I stayed up for a couple of hours reading, writing and smoking. Without Ants nagging me to get into bed and turn out the light, I start pottering around and stayed up well past midnight. Such a crazy girl.

For once, I slept like a baby and was woken up by Ants just before midday. We had planned to explore the nicer parts of the lake today, but instead spent the afternoon attending to TT and her newly-acquired noise.

For the last couple of hundred of kilometres yesterday she was making a grinding noise in her front end at slower speeds. Also, when you braked she veered to the right side of the road. As I opened up the tool box and wondered what to do, a handsome young man came and introduced himself. His name was Max and he helped me to jack up TT and remove her caliper and brake pad. We thought that the brake was making her grind and drift. After removing both of these the wheel was spinning smoothly without any resistance. We went for a short drive, but TT was still grinding away, although she had stopped veering when the brakes were applied.

Max introduced us to a couple of mechanics who spent the next couple of hours trying to work out where the grinding noise was coming from. We changed the front caliper and brake pad and had another test drive - the grinding noise continued. Then, they tried to balance the wheels by removing a washer next to the tyre. This reduced the grinding but did not stop it completely. They concluded that the noise wasn't causing any damage and would probably disappear. We just have to hope that they are right, because apparently there aren't many (if any) motorcycle mechanics in Kazakhstan. We offered them payment but they refused any. God, the Kazakh people are just so generous and kind.

This evening we went out for a meal, which tasted like school dinners again. That is not a complaint, because I used to quite like school dinners. Max came along with his father and then a random journalist asked if he could interview us and take some photos. He worked for the local paper and the interview was translated from Kazakh to English and back again by Max, with Ants managing to answer some questions in Russian. The waitress had a full set of gold front teeth, very bling and I think a bit of a fashion statement here in Kazakhstan. Ants has decided that she would also like a gold tooth to fit in with the locals more and as a memento of Kazakhstan. Apparently there is a gold factory here, so perhaps we will find a dentist in the morning to give her a smile like Jaws.

After supper we drove further into town past a local nightclub, before stopping by the lake. The chimneys could be seen in the distance pumping out their noxious fumes. A couple were obviously hoping to have a romantic moment by the lake, but TT drove up and disturbed them. We got chatting to some of the locals and they asked if we were going to the local nightclub. Ants and I used our normal excuse of having to drive the next day and needing a good night's sleep - both true, but also we are becoming quite old and square and haven't got the energy to drink lots of vodka and dance. Perhaps we would if I invoked the power of my Yi apron.

So far the best thing about Kazakhstan is the people. They are mostly incredibly friendlyand many have gone out of their way to help us. Kazakh people have told us that they are famed for their hospitality and I would have to agree. Tonight TT is tucked up in the guarded forecourt of Balkash police station. The police would like us to take them for a two hour drive tomorrow morning, 20 minutes is more likely. As Ants has said, a great photo opportunity. Anyway, bedtime now as it's after 12.30am and I need to sleep well in my rather small bed to be full of beans for another long drive through the steppe."

Love Ants and Jo x

Thoughts on Kazakhstan

Thursday 20th July 2006: Kazakhstan

Ants writes...

"In a perverse way, Balkash was one of the most interesting places I have ever been. Despite the pollution, the filth, the dereliction and the disintegrating apartment blocks, Balkash had its good points. As Jo has already written, we were saved by a young Kazakh called Maxat, who found us a mechanic and filled the holes which my elementary Russian couldn't cover. Neither of us can get over how kind and generous the Kazkahs are, they will go to any lengths to help you and make you feel welcome in their country.

At times, however, this can go a little far. Whilst navigating our way through Karaganda two nights ago a white Mercedes drew up beside us. The blacked-out window wound down to reveal a gleaming set of gold teeth owned by a handsome young Kazakh. 'Where are you going?' He shouted in Russian. For the next ten minutes we drove in precarious tandem to our hotel, me attempting to dodge the oncoming traffic while simultaneously conducting a conversation with Goldie next door. Later that night the same man, dressed head to toe in pin stripes and mock-croc, burst into our hotel room brandishing beer and insisting he showed us round the local hotspots. After much polite negotiation, we declined and he was off as rapidly as he had appeared. How he found his way to our hotel room remains a mystery...

The Kazakhs also have a nerve-wracking habit of pulling up beside you at 60 mph, so close you could tweak their moustaches, and firing a barrage of questions at you, 'Where are you from? How much was your car? Where are you going? Do you want to come and stay with me?' The more persistent ones force you to pull over and have impromptu photoshoots, the encounter ending with a handing out of phone numbers and insistence you pay them a visit. Yesterday it was two cars full of 'Polizi', all apparently called Eric, the day before a BMW crammed with well-fed men, whom I felt sure were up to no good.

We have spent the last 36 hours in the Kurghalzhino Nature Reserve, famed for its pink flamingos, of which we have seen not a whisker. It's a strange place, a cursory attempt at eco-tourism which doesn't quite work. We are the only people staying here and the rest of the inhabitants are builders and random, slightly drunk men.

Our arrival here the other night was even odder. Having driven along the longest, straightest road from Astana, (where I had completely lost my rag after getting lost for ages) we came to the town of Khurgalzhino, which we assumed must be where the reserve was. It was 8pm and the sun was sinking rapidly in th sky. After a brief diversion from the village drunk we ascertained that in fact the reserve was another 45 km up a dirt track... so off we sped. At last, out of the gloom, appeared the gateway to the 'famous' reserve, which we had been assured was well signed. As we pulled up, a ruddy-faced, inebriated-looking Russian limped out of the wooden hut, clearly wondering whether he was hallucinating or not. We quickly discoved that the reserve was closed for the night and we would have to wait till the morning to get in. We looked around despondently - nothing for miles. Just the lonely steppes.

Eventually, after much pleading and gesturing that my mother was far too old and delicate to camp (which she isn't), and a series of phone calls to the 'Director' our luck changed. Nikolai, the limping Russian, who smelt exceptionally sheepy, gave us our tickets, relieved us of $60 and off we went, assuring us that 8km beyond was a Gostiniza, with soft towels and moonshine. As we tukked off down the track into the darkness (it was now 10pm) I found it hard to believe that there was any civilization in such a place, let alone hot water and a place to lay our heads for the night. What we found, was a strange collection of wooden huts, a single yurt and a lot of drunk Kazakhs. After haggling for another half an hour over the costs of our simple hut, we hit the sack, exhausted.

Its eight weeks on Sunday since we left Bangkok, amazing. Neither Jo or I can believe it. Even stranger is the fact that we've been in Kazkahstan for ten days, and it seems like only yesterday that we were sitting by Saryam Lake mourning the end of our passage through China. In two days we will be in Russia, leaving Asia firmly behind us. Kazakhstan has been a curious experience, it's a country of anomalies where nothing quite adds up, neither Asia or Europe, but betwixt and between. It's the ninth largest country in the world, yet with a population of only 15 million, and falling. Its (benevolent) dictator Nazarbaev, has a grandiose economic plan for the country 'Kazakhstan 2030', yet everywhere you go poverty stares you in the face.

Kazakhstan is also full of anomalies in other, minor ways. In Karaghanda two nights ago, a steppe town famed for coal and gulags, we found ourselves in a Belgian restaurant where we were served Hoegarden and waffles. And in Almaty last week, we had a pint of Guinness in an Irish Pub called Mad Murphy's where a trio of maudlin Russians sang bizarre renditions of Beatles songs.

That's it for now. We're off to Astana today and my Ma flies home tomorrow to leave us to Russia and its rhinoceros-sized mosquitoes."

Love Ants and Jo x

From Russia with love

Monday 24th July 2006: Troitsk, Russia

Ants writes...

"I know, the title is a terrible cliche, but sometimes cliches are hard to resist - and Jo and I were so relieved to make it into Russia late on Monday night it was love at first sight.

On Monday morning, after a rocky 200km drive from Kostanai in NW Kazakhstan, we tukked up to the Russian border at Troitsk, 200km south of Chelyabinsk. We had every reason to be a little nervous since our Kazkakh visa had expired four days previously. Earthquakes, mechanical problems and bad roads meant that we'd been unbale to keep to the tight two week visa issued to us three months ago in the UK. Remember, it's almost impossible to extend tourist visas in Kazakhstan. So we were just going to have to smile angelically and hope the guards were in a good mood.

Things started well. In the shadow of three colossal factory chimneys belching black smoke across the plains, we pulled up at the back of a small queue of (mainly) Ladas. Jo insisted we behaved well and didn't do our usual habit of queue-barging since, as she said, we didn't 'want to draw any attention to ourselves. Considering the nature of our vehicle, I thought this was fairly impossible, but complied anyway. Fistful of documents in hand, I walked into the small wooden hut by the barrier where a woman with scarily dyed red hair was busily stamping documents and a man was snoring noisily in the corner. A faint whiff of vodka hung in the air. Ten minutes later I was gone, clutching more documents and feeling very relieved that she hadn't noticed the little problem of our invalid visa. It seemed that all we had to do know was wait until, car by car, we were let through the barrier to passport control.

Three hours later we were through to the next stage, where Jo and TT waited while I went to meet our fate at passport control. A surly looking man said 'zdrasvitzye' through the small window and took our passports, while I gave him my most winning smile. It didn't work. Within a nanosecond the window was abruptly slammed shut and the man disappeared into another building across the road. We were in trouble. Two minutes later he and another guard reappeared and summoned me into a small, drear room where a number of officials came in and questioned me about why we were late exiting the country. I gulped as one of them told me glumly that we had a 'bolshoi problem' and would have to go back to Astana to validate our visas. Considering it had taken us over two days of hellish driving to get from the capital, this was a most unappealing option.

Yet once again the Gods were on our side. No one it seems can resist the charms of Ting Tong and I was soon told that we could go... not even a fine. Unbelievable. Here we were in Kazakhstan, a country notorious for corrupt officials dying to extract dollars from all and sundry, we had every reason to be fined and beaten, and we were about to sail through to Russia without even a telling off. As we were leaving the hut we saw the other side of the coin however. Three Turkish men were engaged in heated conversation with the same group of officials who had been so lenient with us. The youngest of the Turks came and spoke to us, furious that they were being forced to pay money for no reason. They'd driven from Ankara to here, and no where else had they experienced problems. I guess we were very, very lucky indeed.

It was 5.30 pm by the time we tukked across the border, waving goodbye to Kazakhstan and hello to Russia. Only Ladas, barriers and wooden huts stood between us and the biggest country in the world. Once again I took our documents and headed for the barrier hut where I was greeted by Anatoly Konstanteenovich Lookanov, the lone guard on duty. His green eyes were full of mirth as he looked through the documents, asked about the journey and tried to decipher TT's Thai registration documents. So fascinated was he by the sight of this rare Thai species that he left the confines of his hut and came for a closer inspection, joining the gold-toothed crowd that had gathered in my absence, and creasing with laughter at TT's three-wheels and hot pink paintwork.

More waiting.... for another three hours we sat in the queue, making friends with everyone, letting all the children have a TT experience, letting people take pics until finally the barriers opened and the whole queue of cars was ushered through to passport control. The end was in sight - and within 10 minutes we had all the right stamps and were heading for the door. Until we remembered the small matters of insurance for Ting Tong and the dreaded 'deklaratzia'. Insurance was easy enough, once the bleached blonde assistant had got over the shock of the Thai papers, but the deklaratzia took us an agonising extra two hours to finalise. In short, a deklaratzia is a vital piece of paper for anyone coming into Russia. If you don't fill it in correctly and get all the right stamps, you are liable to get all your money and equipment confiscated when you leave. This would have meant losing cameras, laptops, BGAN's... - not an option. As Dimi, the 26 year old guard, was filling out our deklaratzia for the eighth time I asked him if many English people came through this border. He screwed up his face and thought hard, "In May we have a Holland, and in February we have two Australians, I can't remember English here". No wonder it was all taking so long.

At last, at 10.30 pm, in the dwindling light, we walked out to TT and into Russia. Five or six guards came over to ask questions and send us on our way, and ask casually if we had any drugs on us. After drawing us a map to a hotel in Troitsk, the nearest town, we were off. What relief, what a day. But it wasn't over yet.

In Troitsk, 30 km from the border, we drew up outside the aforementioned hotel, a grandiose mansion in the early stages of decrepitude. The receptionist shook her head, they were full. Yeah right I thought, a huge hotel like this full on a Monday night. We'd heard that some Russian hotels can be unwilling to take foreigners, a hangover from the Soviet era, and I am sure it was this unwillingness rather than a genuine lack of rooms that was the reason we were turned away. The same thing happened at the second hotel and Jo and I started to wonder if we might have to pitch our tent on the pavement. But thank goodness hotel number three, the 'Gostiniza Kaspi' said yes, they had one room left. Phew!

At 11.45 pm, tired, grubby and much in need of tipple and tiffin, we sat down for supper in the hotel restaurant. Our only fellow diners were three very drunk men in one corner, and a pair of heavily made-up, fairly drunk 30 something women in another corner. It wasn't long before we were spotted by the former, and subsequently accosted, whilst a DJ appeared out of nowhere and put on hideous, ear-splittingly loud eurotechno. Having successfully used having supper as an excuse not to join our prospective paramours - Mikhail, Dimitri and Alexei - they retreated to the dancefloor and began throwing some serious shapes and blowing kisses in our direction. Very funny. They soon returned however, to propose that they be our boyfriends in Russia - despite the fact they all had wedding rings on and Jo and I both said we were married. We've been warned this might happen a bit here..."

Love Ants and Jo x

Famous in Russia

Tuesday 25th July 2006: Yekaterinburg, Russia

Ants writes...

"The next morning I awoke early and left Jo snoring in bed to go and investigate the local market. We'd been so paralysingly cold in the last few days I wanted to find us some warm clothes so we wouldn't have to drive in our sleeping bags.

Two hours later I returned not with any warm clothes, but with a baby hedgehog, called Henry. I'd found Henry in the market, being sold by two mischievious little boys who'd caught the unfortunate beast the day before. Henry looked very unhappy in his little box, being prodded by passers by, so the only solution was to rescue him and think about what to do with him later. He was so sweet, with black eyes and a long twitchy nose, it was tempting to secrete him in TT, give him some goggles and bring him back to England with us. But of course this wasn't possible and two hours later we released him in a silver birch copse in the middle of some farmland, where he scuttled off into the undergrowth without even a wave goodbye.

Our destination that day was Yekaterinburg, about 400 km north west of Troitsk. The roads were good and we banked on being there in time for supper. But at 3pm, the heavens opened. Anuwat warned us to be careful in the rain and that Ting Tong's spark plugs wouldn't be happy if they got wet, but we'd always been alright before and we carried on driving through the rain at a sedate 40 km/h. Anuwat's wise words soon became reality and TT began to splutter in an unseemly manner. It wasn't until 11pm that we finally made it to Yekaterinburg, having crawled along in the rain at 40 km/h for the last 150km with TT choking and backfiring.

We've only been in Yekaterinburg for 36 hours and once again Jo and I have been overwhelmed by the kindess of strangers. Whilst fruitlessly searching for our hotel late on Tuesday night we met Ivan, a local radio presenter who speaks very good English. Without him we would never have found the 'Gostiniza Academia Geologia', tucked away on a dark side street behind Prospekta Lenina. Nor would we have found a safe place to park our three-wheeled friend. Ivan, a philosophical, highly intelligent 31 year old, was fascinated with our trip and went home and posted all about it on a website read by people here. Amongst those who read the sight were two 21 year old boys, Oleg and Vadim, who, with nothing else better to do, decided to go and search for the 'tuk tuk girls'. So here we were, in a random little internet cafe yesterday evening, when two (very handsome indeed) boys came over and said 'Are you the two driving the pink car to England?'. By total chance they had come to this cafe to use the internet and track us down, and here we were. Extraordinary. Yekatinburg is a big city with 1.4 million inhabitants and they had stumbled opon us by total chance. Even funnier was when they showed us the website Ivan had posted on, with a long thread all about the funny pink car that had been spotted last night coming into the city. Oleg and Vadim knew exactly where we had been, where we had got lost, where we had parked to ask directions... just from the replies to Ivan's posting.

This morning Jo has gone off to get TT seen with Ivan, Oleg and Randy, by a mechanic found by Ivan through his posting, and I've gone off to take our DV camera to the Sony service centre and do internet chores. The little bugger (excuse my language) has an audio problem which might not be fixable. I don't even want to think about it and I begged to engineer at the centre to to his very best to sort it out.

This afternoon we're going to check out some of the city and go and see the Bloodhound Gang with Oleg and Vadim tonight. I have no idea who they are, but Jo and the boys seem very excited and assure me they are some hot American group. Jo described them as the music the US troops in Iraq like to drive their tanks around to - sounds great..."

Love Ants and Jo x

Entering Europe

Monday 31st July 2006: Ufa, Bashkortostan Autonomous Republic, Russia

Jo writes...

"Yesterday we managed to get stopped five times by the police and today we were stopped twice. Mostly, they just want to see our documents and ask questions about Ting Tong. Even though Ants speaks very good Russian, when we get pulled over with that irritating white baton she speaks as much Russian as I do - none! Given that the weather has been incredibly English i.e. cold, wet and grey, we are starting to find these all too frequent police stops in the cold a little trying.

We left Yekaterinburg yesterday morning, driving in convey with Rudy and Oleg to the Asia/Europe border. We parked TT with her front end in Europe and her back end in Asia. It gave us a brief moment to reflect on how long we've been tukking and how far we've travelled. We left Bangkok nine weeks ago and have travelled 13000km. Being back in Europe has made us start to think about our arrival back in Brighton and we need to start planning for a big homecoming and work out quite how we are going to raise another £29,000 for Mind.

Saying goodbye to Rudy and Oleg was really sad and I cried. Even though we'd only known them for four days, we'd spent nearly every waking moment with them and become really close. If it wasn't for meeting them, TT would never had got to flirt with those sexy beamers, nor would we have been on the local news and been allowed to speak about our trip and mental health. It was also sad saying goodbye to Ivan, the first friend we made in Yekaterinberg, after we literally kidnapped him to show us where our hotel was.

On Friday night Ants and I hit the tiles for ther first time this trip with Rudy and Oleg. They had managed to get us VIP tickets to a funky club in Yekaterinburg called the Snow Project. Ants and I had both been quite tired earlier in the day and had returned to the hotel for a siesta before even contemplating going clubbing.

We suprised ourselves by managing to stay up until 6am. The club was full of glammed up young Russina girls and guys dressed in shirts and trousers- basically, everyone looked quite smart and Ants and I turned up in our trainers and T-shirts. We hung out in the VIP area all night, hitting the dancefloor a couple of times to throw down some shapes. Some of the people in the club looked (and acted) like they were high on more than just the music. The music was house, not garage and not uplifting garden shed - why the stupid names for dance music genres I really don't know. There was an English DJ playing that night and so Ants and I were introduced to him once his set had finished. He asked what we were doing in Yekaterinburg and I explained, before thrusting a business card into his hand and telling him to read our website.

Last night we stayed at a sweet hotel in the middle of rolling hills and pine forests. It was a beautiful setting and we had a BBQ and chatted to a couple of guys visiting from Siberia. They came to our room and chatted for a bit before finally allowing us some sleep at midnight.

Russia has definitely exceeded my expectations and I would suggest that people come and check out areas outside St. Petersberg and Moscow. My only complaints are the Baltic weather and the overly-efficient traffic cops!"

Ants writes...

"After our first lunch in Europe we said a sad goodbye to Rudy and Oleg and set off in the general direction of Ufa, not really sure of where we would end up that night. There was no direct road so after studying the Russian Atlas we decided to go the scenic route, dropping down through the Middle Urals and into the Bashkortostan Republic. Aside from the incessant rain, which we all have a strong aversion to, and the almost as incessant police checks, we had an uneventful drive through beautiful country. Not since China have we driven through such natural beauty. The road plunged, weaved and climbed through rolling green countryside, populated by Silver Birch copses, herds of grazing animals and an abundance of wild flowers. Freshly cut piles of hay dotted the fields and farm workers laboured, looking up in astonishment as we drove past. Occasionally we passed through a village of wooden houses, all with ornate, brightly coloured windows. Beautiful.

Five police stops later, we came across a hotel and decided to call it a day. I left Jo with TT and dived in to check it out. After the corpulent receptionist had finished getting her oversize knickers in a twist about the fact that firstly we were 'inostranka' (foreigners) and secondly had a curious vehicle that was 'nyet motorcycle and nyet mashina', we were allowed in. Twenty minutes and one beer later, Jo and I had acquired our next pair of Russian boyfriends, Roma and Zanil, both from Tyumen in Siberia. As we have both said before, Russians are wonderfully friendly people, sometimes the men a little over so, and its hard to sit anywhere for five minutes without being accosted by a potential suitor. Before long a third, slightly inebriated gentleman had come over to our table and was declaring undying love for Jo. It was 1am before we finally got to bed.

This morning we set off, again in the rain, for the last 170 km to Ufa, capital of the autonomous Bashkortostan republic, home to the Muslim Turkic Bashkir people. We met our first Baskhir, Zoofar, last night, whom very kindly asked us to his sanatorium 'bezplatno' (free) - a kind of Russian shrublands. Although the idea of being pampered in the mountains for one day was very appealing, we opted to hit the road and head south west in search of the sunshine. Having spent the last week getting cold and wet every day we're craving some heat, and have decided to re-route south along the Black Sea Coast via Odessa for a few days of sun, sea and surf.

This afternoon was spent tukking along a spectacular road across the heart of the Urals. Trucks loaded with German cars bound for Kazakhstan clanked past us and a constant line of bored looking babushkas hawked honey by the roadside. Although honey isn't the most practical thing to travel with, we couldn't resist and pulled over by the most needy looking babushka we could find to make a purchase. A Kazakh lorry was parked 20 metres away and I had a quick chat with the driver, who told me he drives back and forwards between Germany and Kazakhstan, 7000 km in 10 days. Poor man, I don't envy his job.

As we turned Ting Tong onto the road, a lady selling berries next door ran after us and pushed a large jar of raspberries into my hands, wishing us a good journey. A small gesture that is typical of the kindness of the Russians.

As we arrived at our hotel this evening a stumbling, red faced group of army officers lurched out of the adjacent bar. One of them, toad-faced, middle aged and more than a little tipsy, locked his eyes lasciviously on Jo and planted a lingering, sloppy kiss on her cheek. By the time I had got us a room five minutes later Jo had been fully groped, kissed repeatedly and proposed to. Evoking our imaginary husbands was no use at all and Jo and I had to dash into the hotel under the cover of our baggage to avoid further gropage. At this rate we could have multiple husbands by the time we leave Russia, should we wish. What a thought. Bedtime now... Samara tomorrow."

Love Ants and Jo x

Bangkok to Brighton by tuk tuk

 

Names:

Antonia Bolingbroke-Kent and Jo Huxster

 

 

Ages:

Both 27

 

 

Hometowns:

Holt, Norfolk and Brighton/London

 

Hi ladies, how's it going? We hear you've got an epic trip coming up - could you sum it up in 20 words for us?

Ants: The biggest trip ever undertaken on three wheels - we're driving a pink tuk tuk from Bangkok to Brighton to raise £50,000 for the mental health charity Mind.

Jo: Across 12 countries!

Where on earth did you get the idea to do that?

Jo: I was travelling in Thailand four years ago with two friends when a tuk tuk driver let me sit in the front seat with my friends in the back. That's when the plan was hatched, at the end of the Khao San Road in Bangkok.

How much do you hope to make for Mind?

Ants: £50,000. We're up to about £12,000 so far so have got a bit to go!

What made you both want to tackle such a challenge for Mind in particular?

Jo: I suffered from depression in my adolescence and spent over two years in psychiatric hospitals, so I know how frightening and debilitating it is to suffer from mental health problems.

Ants: Plus a close friend of mine committed suicide in November which finally made me decide to go with Jo on the trip.

How long will the trip take and are you sure a tuk tuk actually able to get that far? We take it you've both driven one before..?

Ants: Three and a half months we hope. We want to be sitting on Brighton Pier having an ice cream at the end of August. Anuwat, who has specially built our tuk tuk in Bangkok for us, has built two tuk tuks in the last two years that have made it as far as Europe, so we have faith is his skills. I've driven a tuk tuk for five minutes and nearly crashed it! However, we're going out to Bangkok a week early to get some serious practice in. Our tuk tuk has also been modified to drive more like a car than a bike, like normal tuks.

Jo: Fingers crossed it is possible! Also, we drove a tuk tuk around a field in Norfolk!

So, what preparation have you been doing ready for the trip and when do you set off?

Ants: What haven't we been doing?! I gave up my job in January and we've been flat out ever since; learning Russian, getting our motorbike tests, doing wilderness medical training, going on survival courses, getting sponsors on board, building our website, researching the routes, sorting what equipment we need, writing millions of letters cajoling people into giving us money, making sure we have all the right documentation. Oh and choosing what shade of hot pink we want our tuk tuk to be.

What's been the hardest thing about the planning stages?

Jo: Initially, getting the permits organised for China, but once that was organised, it's been fairly straight forwards. Also getting our motorcycle licenses was very stressful, because I failed first time and without passing, we could not have done the trip.

Ants: Also, just fitting it all in! And wondering how we are going to raise £50,000 without Jo having to resort to nakedness - she's anaturist!

Tell us a little about your tuk-tuk - has it got a name? Have you pimped it up to the max?

Ants: Our tuk tuk is called Ting Tong and she's been pimped to perfection by Anuwat and his band of merry men. She's got roll bars, higher suspension and the usual throttle control has been replaced by an accelerator pedal.

Jo: She is two tone pink with lots of disco lights inside. She has a sound system too but her engine has not been pimped.

Give us a quick summary of the route then...

Jo: We leave Bangkok and then head north to the Laos border to the Friendship Bridge, visiting Ayuthaya and the Khao Yai National Park on the way. Once in Laos we will head north via Luang Prabang and meander through the mountains up route 13 until we reach the Chinese border. Our main highlights in China include the Leshan Budda, Xian and the Terracotta Army, before heading west down the old Silk Route before crossing into Kazakhstan...

Ants: We'll then spend about two weeks in Kazakhstan, travelling via Almaty, Lake Balkash, Lake Burabay and Astana before tukking into Russia at the West Siberian Plain. We'll then turn west, passing over the fabled Ural mountains into Europe. From here it's down the Volga Delta, through Volgograd, into The Ukraine - where we'll tuk through Kiev and Lviv - through the Czech Republic, tea with the British Ambassador in Prague, Poland, Germany, swim in a friend's pool in Brussels, whip across a small corner of France, and home. Phew!

Which country do you think will make for the best tuk-tukking conditions?

Jo: If the roads have good tarmac, then anywhere that is reasonably flat with not too much traffic like western China, or north through Kazakhstan. Europe will probably have the best condition roads, but if the roads are busy then this will undermine the benefit of flat tarmac.

Ants: Hard to tell although I'm sure the closer we get to home, the better the roads will get. The last downhill stretch to Brighton will probably be the best!

Which country or section of the journey are you dreading the most?

Ants: Dreading is too strong a word, but I am a bit apprehensive about Russia and Kazakhstan as corruption is endemic, guns are the norm and the mosquitoes are the size of small rhinos.

Jo: All the Russian speaking countries, because I have never been there before. I have also heard that some of the police are keen on bribes.

China sounds as though it's going to be a bit of an experience - what with the official joining you for the route - how have you planned this section? Is he going to chip in for petrol?

Jo: I wish he would chip in for petrol! The guide will have a daily budget of about £15 for his accommodation and food and we pay for all of our own expenses in China like food, petrol, entrance fees to tourist attractions. Our route has been pre-planned and we cannot deviate from it, although we get to see most of the best highlights. At least we will have someone with us who speaks Chinese!

Apart from that, is it just going to be the two of you for the entire route or are you planning on picking up many hitchhikers?!

Ants: We thought at one point we might pick up travellers and hitchhikers but have abandoned this idea. We can't take risks and I'm sure 99% of people would be a joy to have on board but... Plus we're also pretty pushed for room. If they were very small I guess they could sit on the roof!

Jo: A couple of people have asked if they can catch a lift, but the answer is a definite no. The only people allowed in the tuk tuk with us are our Chinese guide, my dad and Ants' mum. We will have enough on our plate without having someone else with us.

How are you planning to keep in touch with people on your trip, especially when you are driving through some very remote areas?

Jo: We will have a satellite modem and Skype has made it possible for us to keep in touch with friends and family, via the Internet, wherever we are. We can talk to anyone who has a computer completely free and even call normal phones, anywhere in the world, at really cheap rates. We will also be using Skype Video so you can see us live when you talk to us too. For anyone who would like to keep in touch with us on our journey, our Skype name is tuktotheroad. We will also be holding regular weekly SkypeCast meetings, which means hundreds of Skype users can participate in a live voice discussion and get an update on our adventure.

How do you plan to pass the time on the boring sections of the journey?

Ants: Hadn't really given it any thought. I'll probably be too busy trying to film things or work out whether we should have turned left or right at that last crossroads.

Jo: I will sing loudly, sleep or take my clothes off just to embarrass Ants.

Which one of you is the best driver?!

Ants: Not sure! Luckily we both like driving and are pretty safe (but speedy) drivers. It's a bit of a change from my Renault Clio though.

Jo: I think we are both the same, although Ants hasn't knocked anyone off their bike.

It's not going to be non-stop driving though is it?

Jo: The longest we will drive in a day is 566km and that is in China. I estimate that will take about 10 hours. We have some other long days in China, but once we enter Kazakhstan the itinerary is more relaxed.

Ants: No, we are going to have days off. The plan is to have a day off a week, maybe two, depending on how we feel. Plus of course there are places that we simply have to have a proper stop such as the Terracotta Army in Xian, Almaty, the Volga Delta, Volgograd, Kiev (and Chernobyl), Prague, Krakow and Auschwitz.

Let's talk practicalities... where are you going to sleep and cook? Will the tuk-tuk take all of you luggage?

Ants: We're taking camping equipment for emergencies, but on the whole we are planning on staying in guest houses and small hotels. I think we might splash out in Almaty though as we'll be exhausted after our intense Chinese schedule and in need of some proper rest and relaxation. As for luggage, we've got a roof rack and an inbuilt safe. Plus Jo and I are very good at travelling light.

Jo: If we have to cook, it will probably be something basic like rice and veg, because Ants is a veggie. Also, we are the same size so can share each others clothes!

Are you at all worried about your safety along the route?

Ants: Yes, a bit. But it's just a matter of being aware and not putting ourselves in compromising situations. If you're too afraid you'll never do anything, and where I used to live in London was probably far more dangerous than lots of the places we're going.

Jo: I try to push that to the back of my mind, so not really, Ants is also a kung fu expert.

What are you doing with your tuk-tuk when you get back?

Jo: I will drive her around the country to continue fundraising for Mind. I would also like to do the route the other way round, driving from the UK to Asia.

How is the fundraising going at the moment?

Ants: It's coming in steadily. We're up to about £12,000 and it goes up daily. I think lots more people will sponsor us once we are actually on the road.

Jo: The fundraising is hard work and many people seem enthusiastic, yet reticent to donate. This surprises me because so many people are affected either directly or indirectly by mental illness. Our target is £50,000 so we still have a long way to go...

How have you gone about getting sponsorship?

Ants: Letters, letters and more letters. Plus approaching companies we have personal contacts with, or companies who we think our trip and ethos will appeal to.

What has the reaction been like to your planned adventures?

Ants: Brilliant! We've been bowled over by the kindness of friends and strangers. So many people have given us advice, help and lashings of enthusiasm. Of course there has been some disbelief too and the odd bit of scaremongering, but we prefer to listen to the positive stuff.

Jo: Amazing. Everybody I have told is really interested and excited about our adventure. If only all of those people would donate to Mind, we may have already reached our target.

What top 5 tips do you have for other budding fundraisers?

Ants:

1) Never take no for an answer.

2) Persistence does pay off.

3) Meeting people is always better than phone or email.

4) Never forget your sense of humour.

5) Be passionate about your cause.

Jo:

1) Be passionate about the charity you are supporting.

2) Try and get media coverage.

3) Know about what your charity does and tell people about it.

4) Work hard.

5) Try to have your own website.

Loads and loads of luck girls, we'll look forward to following your journey on gapyear.com!